


As I Watched You Love

by theblueofthenight



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblueofthenight/pseuds/theblueofthenight
Summary: Falling in love with Lexa had been inevitable. Clarke could trace back to the exact moment that the inevitability of it had begun. It was the moment Clarke realized Lexa knew the name of the nighttime security guard. When she hid the little paper bag behind her back that Clarke later realized was the dinner Lexa brought for him every night. She didn't realize it until years later, but she had fallen in love with Lexa by just watching her love other people. And more than anything, Clarke wished she hadn't. Because loving Lexa wasn't as simple nor as easy as falling in love with her had been, and watching Lexa love someone else-well, it hurt way too damn much.





	1. Chapter 1

Arkadia High was nothing special. It was your average high school with the cliché cliques, run-down classrooms, lockers banged up from too many years of use, and an overriding smell of sweat and wasted potential.

Clarke and her friends would openly admit to the fact that Arkadia was far from perfect, but it was their school and they would defend its honor to their last breath.

Which is why Clarke was currently glancing around nervously while her two idiot friends, Harper and Octavia, defaced the statue of their biggest rival, Polis Academy. In the lead-up to the big homecoming game, prank wars between the two schools weren’t uncommon. Yes, Clarke knew it was petty and childish, but for some reason she always allowed her friends to drag her into these situations.

She rolled her eyes as Harper and Octavia snickered from where they were currently spray-painting large pink-rimmed glasses onto Polis’s mascot, a fierce-looking warrior woman.

“Will you guys hurry up? We’re going to get caught if we stay out here much longer,” Clarke huffed out, exasperated.

“Lighten up Clarke, the security guard won’t be back for another half-an-hour. He always takes a nap break at this time,” Octavia replied, shaking her spray-paint can before applying a large pink mustache to the statue.

“It’s because he works at the drug store during the day.”

“Ahhhhh!!!!” All three girls jumped spinning around to face an unamused-looking Polis student standing a few feet away from them.

Harper and Octavia had wide-eyed looks as they pointed their spray-paint cans at the tall brunette.

“Fulton! You scared the crap out of me!” Harper laid a hand over her heart dramatically.

The student chuckled, taking a step towards them. “I can see your childish attempts at pranks have gotten extremely original over the years. You do know Jimmy will have this cleaned off by morning?”

Harper gave her a confused look. “Jimmy?”

“The security guard taking a nap right now? His name is Jimmy, and he’s become practically a professional at getting spray paint off this statue in a matter of minutes.”

Harper grunted, but turned back towards the statue and sighed. “Well, it was fun regardless.”

“I hear the arcade is as well, why don’t you try that, next time you’re bored,” the brunette remarked dryly, turning back towards the school.

“Wait, so you’re just going to let us be?” Clarke asked, frowning at the retreating student.

The Polis student gave Clarke an impassive look, and she immediately regretted her words. Harper and Octavia groaned from their positions next to the statue.

Lexa Fulton was Polis Academy’s top student, and top dog. Among all of the rich snobs attending the school, she was the richest and by far the most popular. Lexa and her friends over the years, well at least in the two years since Lexa moved here, had constantly ridiculed and gotten into pointless prank wars with Clarke and her friends. It didn’t help that their schools were so closely located, and many of them lived close together. But the Polis kids were rich and much better off, and they weren’t afraid to rub that into the Arkadia students’ faces. The Arkadia kids had fought back with everything they had, despite knowing the underprivileged position they had compared to the Polis students.

So Lexa letting this incident go, it was something Clarke wasn’t able to comprehend.

“I don’t see the point of continuing this conversation, Clarke. Like I said, Jimmy will have this off by morning, and none will be the wiser. I’d rather not waste my breath telling my friends about this pointless encounter.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at the clipped, formal way Lexa spoke. She always acted like she had a stick up her ass, and it drove Clarke mad. Also the way that she was unfairly attractive in her school uniform, but Clarke would rather not get into that.

“Whatever Lexa, I’m sorry you were forced to converse with such lowly subjects as us. Do continue with your evening,” Clarke’s bitter voice and mock-bow didn’t even register to Lexa, and she simply turned to continue towards the darkened school.

“What are you even doing here this late, Fulton?” Harper called after her, causing Octavia to elbow her in the side.

Lexa turned her head slightly and gave Harper an annoyed look. “I believe that is none of your business, Harper. If I were you I would clear out of here, Jimmy should be up from his nap soon.”

Harper rolled her eyes at Lexa’s back as she made her way over to the entrance of the academy and used a key to unlock the door and slip inside.

“She’s such a snob,” Harper grumbled, jumping down from the statue pedestal.

Octavia nodded in agreement and Clarke just sighed. “It doesn’t matter, let’s just clear out of here before Jimmy stops by.”

“What kind of security guard name is Jimmy anyway?” Harper asked, as the three hurried away.

*****

Lexa entered the security guard’s office quietly, knowing Jimmy was probably still napping. Glancing over towards the desk she confirmed her suspicion.

Sighing, she placed the paper bag in her hand carefully on the desk and made her way over to where Jimmy was napping. She hated to wake him up, especially when she knew he was working double-shifts, which basically meant the only time he slept was on his lunch break and when he could get away with napping here at the school.

“Jimmy? Jimmy you need to wake up.” She gently shook his shoulder, and chuckled when he started suddenly, bringing a sleeve up to wipe at the drool dripping down his chin.

“What? What? Lexa? Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, Jimmy. Well, nothing except for the fact that the warrior statue was defaced again.”

Jimmy groaned as he rubbed at his eyes. “Great, I just cleaned it off three days ago.”

“This school obviously didn’t put much thought into what would happen if they put up that statue there.”

“That or they just assumed I would clean it off every night, like I do.”

Lexa chuckled, shoving the paper bag towards him. “I brought you something to eat. Why don’t you eat up and then we can clean it off together.”

Jimmy opened the bag with a grateful smile. “Thanks Lexa, you don’t have to help me though. I know you’ve been busy with your experiments.”

Lexa chuckled as she jumped up and took a seat on the edge of the desk. “The experiments can wait, between the two of us we can get that statue cleaned off in no time.”

“Who was it this time?”

“Just some Arkadian barbarians.”

“Lexa.”

“Yeah, yeah I know. These three are just particularly irritating.”

“Clarke, Harper, and Octavia?”

“So I’ve mentioned them before.”

“Arkadia’s troublemakers? Yeah you’ve mentioned them.”

Lexa sighed, staring at a stain on the wall as she let her thoughts drift off. Truthfully, she had no real problem with the Arkadian students. She knew her “friends” often got into tussles with the Arkadian students. And somehow she was constantly getting dragged into the rivalry.

Yes, Lexa was fully aware of her reputation at the school. She was the most popular student at the school, but Lexa knew it was for no other reason other than the pure dollar amount she was worth. She stayed out of almost all school activities, preferring to stay out of the way. According to her friend, Anya, that only leant to her reputation as some kind of mysterious, sexy walking, talking dollar sign. Anya always had had a way with words.

Jimmy finished the last of his sandwich, crumpling up the napkin Lexa had brought, tossing it in a perfect arc into the waste basket.

“Let’s go kiddo.” Lexa jumped off the edge of the counter and walked with Jimmy to the cleaning closet. They grabbed some cleaning supplies and walked outside to begin cleaning off the statue.

“So how’s life for my favorite little mini scientist?” Jimmy asked, rubbing at the pink spray-paint viciously.

Lexa chuckled. “It’s the same as it was last night.”

“You getting enough sleep?”

“Yes, Jimmy. Don’t worry about me.”

“Can’t help it, Lexa. You spend hours here at night, go to school during the day, plus the amount of schoolwork you have on your plate, I don’t know how you’re fitting in a healthy life-style.”

“I’m doing fine, I promise.”

Jimmy sighed, wiping his brow as he examined his work. “If you say so, Lexa. Maggie wanted me to invite you over to dinner one of these nights, by the way.”

Lexa smiled, “Thanks, I’d like that Jimmy. How is she doing since Blaine was born?”

“She’s doing alright, the last couple of months have been hard, but I think she’s finally beginning to get her old strength back.”

“I’m sure she’ll back at full strength very soon, and until she is, don’t be afraid to ask for help at any time.”

Jimmy nodded, “I know. Lexa. Your help is really appreciated.”

 The two continued in silence for a bit, before the graffiti was finally cleaned off and the two made their way back inside. Jimmy retreated back to his office where Lexa was suspicious he was probably going to take another nap.

With a deep sigh she made her way to the biology lab. The echo of her expensive loafers slapping against the tiled floor soothed her mind. She loved being in the school when it was completely empty. It almost made up for how much she hated being here during the day.

Quickly entering the lab she made her way over to pull on her lab coat and gloves. After quickly outfitting herself she made her way over to where she had some left some cultivations last night. Working meticulously, she examined several of them under the microscope, making notes as she went along.

The hours flew by and before she knew it, she was checking her watch and it was almost 3:00 A.M.

Sighing, she put away her work carefully. She gathered her things and made her way to the exit. She briefly checked in on Jimmy, who was still sleeping. She chuckled and headed home. She hopped onto her motorbike and sped away.

It was routine by now. Go to school, go to the diner and do her homework, go to school again and work on her research, and go home and get a couple hours of sleep. She knew how to sneak back into her home without waking up her uncle, how to slide into school with just the perfect amount of lateness, and how to ignore pretty much everything going on.

It was Lexa’s life, and she was ok with it. The key was to survive until she was eighteen and finally out of high school. She’d take the inheritance due to her when she turned eighteen, and start her own life. Free from her uncle and her past. Her past haunted her, and though she knew she couldn't leave everything from her past behind, more than anything-she just wanted to be able to move on. She wanted to stop feeling like she was constantly living in this type of haze. 

With a deep sigh, Lexa collapsed onto her bed, not even bothering to change her clothes, she’d just straighten out and wear the uniform tomorrow.

*****

Clarke sat on the bleachers, bent over her sketch. On the field her boyfriend was practicing with the football squad. Frowning, she stared at her sketch. Something was slightly off and it was bothering her.

“If you stare at it any harder it might burst into flames.” Octavia plopped down beside her.

Clarke huffed out a sigh, glancing up towards her friend. “It just doesn’t look right.”

“It looks amazing to me.”

Clarke just grunted, trying to add a little extra shade around the eyes of her father.

“You ok Clarke?”

Clarke looked up from her sketchpad, giving Octavia a small smile. “Yeah, just fine. Why?”

Octavia shrugged. “Just making sure.”

The two sat in silence for a while, watching the football squad practice. “How are things with Finn going?”

Clarke shrugged, returning to her sketch. “Just fine.”

“Whoa, restrain yourself Shakespeare.”

“It’s as expected, popular girl dates star football player. It’s not like some great cliché love story, but out of everyone at this school, he’s not a bad option.”

“And what about when school ends in the spring?”

“Then I get out of this town, simple as that.”

“And Finn?”

“I don’t know, I think he wants to try and get a football scholarship to UT.”

Octavia frowned. “So you guys haven’t even talked about a future together at all? You’re just going to what, break up as soon as you get that diploma in your hands?”

“Well, I’ll probably wait until after the ceremony. I have a little class, Octavia.”

“Does he know this? The you wanting to break up as soon as you graduate?”

Clarke shrugged. “I think he knows. He’s not a bad guy, he’s been a good boyfriend and everything, but I think we both know we’re only together so we’re both not alone.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “The stuff of true love stories.”

“I literally just said we weren’t some love story, Octavia.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, you coming to Harper and Sarah’s soccer game tonight? They’re playing Jaha Academy.”

“Sure, I don’t have much else to do.”

Octavia clapped her hands together and stood up, “Great! Are you going to just wait here for Finn to finish up?”

I smiled up at Octavia, “Yeah, he’s gonna give me a ride home. But I’ll see you tonight?”

Octavia nodded, “Absolutely C-dog. Have fun with your placeholder boyfriend.”

Clarke laughed as Octavia gave a little wiggle of her fingers and bounded away. She was a feisty one, that’s for sure. But fiercely loyal, and always ready to listen on the rare times that Clarke actually wanted to talk about something serious. 

True to her word, Clarke showed up to the soccer game that night. She gave a wave to Harper and Sarah as they warmed up on the field. Both returned her wave eagerly. Harper was a spitfire, just like Octavia, but in a much more mellow way. She restrained her energy inward and let it out in pointed sarcasm and clever speeches. She was the debate team’s star. Sarah, on the other hand, was much more quiet and shy. She had been the last of them to join their close-knit group of five people. Zoe Monroe being the other member. Clarke and the others were very protective of Sarah, she had this sweet but nervous manner around her that reminded Clarke of a younger version of herself. Clarke had been shocked at first when Sarah had told them she made the soccer team along with Harper, but by the way she was beaming, Clarke figured soccer must just be something she loved.

Clarke watched the girls for a few more seconds before turning and climbing up the stairs, a very excited Octavia waving her over to where Zoe and their other two friends, Rachel and Whitney, were already sitting.

Clarke bounded up the stairs and slid into the bleacher seat beside Octavia, greeting the other girls with a small wave.

“They’re totally going to crush this game, Jaha Academy won’t even know what hit them!” Octavia exclaimed excitedly.  

Clarke laughed. “With Sarah and Harper on the team, I have no doubt.”

“Yeah, who would have guessed that Sarah could be such a beast on the field,” Zoe piped in, eyes sparkling in amusement.

Zoe was the most easy-going of all the five. She had an easy charisma around her that instantly made people like her. She was the least likely to get angry in fights, and the first to jump in to defend her friends. Clarke and her had once kissed on a dare at a party, and although both of them had boyfriends, Clarke could have easily seen herself developing a crush on the short-haired brunette.

“Sarah was a surprise, but we all know Harper would explode if she didn’t have something to channel her fire into,” Rachel added from beside Zoe.

“Yeah, that’s why Octavia here is our resident bad-ass boxer,” Clarke said, bumping shoulders with Octavia.

“That, and we all know we need a professional fighter in those stupid tussles we get into with those Polis snobs,” Octavia added, practically spitting out her words when the Polis kids were mentioned.

“Ugh, last week a bunch of them came into the diner Sarah and I work at, and they were treating her like shit. Like, they ordered stuff, and when the food came they made a bunch of complaints and she had to bring all the food back and get new food,” Whitney added.

Octavia snorted, “Let me guess. Lexa, Anya, and that Ontari bitch were among the group.”

“Anya and Ontari were, but Lexa came in a while later. When she saw the group she came over and dragged them all away to some party or something.”

“Typical,” Octavia added.

“Lexa comes in a lot by herself, actually. She usually sits at the counter and orders coffee, and some kind of pie. She’ll sit there for hours just working on her homework. I always think it’s kind of weird, like that girl could go study anywhere and instead she comes into some crappy diner with crappy coffee. She goes through like five cups of it too, Sarah is constantly refilling her mug.”

Octavia looked surprised. “She doesn’t harass Sarah or anything, does she?”

“I don’t think so, Sarah never says anything about their interactions. Actually-”

Before Whitney could continue her sentence, the game began with a shrill whistle. Immediately the girls start cheering and hollering for their friends. There’s not a whole lot of people in the crowd, but it’s full enough.

At first Clarke doesn’t see her, but she glances to her right sometime during the game and does a double-take.

Lexa is sitting on one of the far-right bleaches, hands tucked under her thighs as she sits on the edge of the seat, watching the game intently.

She is dressed surprisingly casually. Clarke is used to seeing her in her Polis uniform, which is perhaps why Clarke didn’t recognize her at first.

She has a long-sleeve blue flannel on, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. It’s complimented by black skinny jeans, and expensive-looking black shoes. It’s as casual and un-Lexa an outfit that Clarke has ever seen.

Clarke watches her avidly, trying to figure out what she is doing at the soccer game, and alone at that. She has this impassive look on her face, and Clarke wonders if she’s here to scout out the competition or something. She knows that Arkadia has a game with Polis coming up soon.

But then Harper has a breakaway, and she’s streaking down the side of the field. Clarke hears her friends cheering next to her, and out of the corner of her eye she sees Lexa tense up, leaning forward even more. Her face has an unreadable expression on it. Then Harper kicks a perfect cross straight towards an open Sarah, who barely has to touch the ball and she’s sending it soaring into the corner of the goal.

She watches as her friends start hollering so loud she’s sure she’ll be deaf tomorrow, and she is thrilled at the celebration happening on the field. Sarah is immediately swarmed by her teammates, and she’s smiling so wide Clarke is sure that the smile will get stuck there.

But what she’s really fascinated about is the small grin that is now affixed to their enemy. She’s ducking her head as if trying to hide the smile, but her eyes are still transfixed on the field, and Clarke is completely taken aback by what this is all supposed to mean.

Before she can wonder about it more, Octavia is jumping into her arms in excitement and her attention is thoroughly pulled away from the flannel-wearing girl a few bleachers over.

Arkadia wins the game 1-0, Sarah’s one goal being the difference maker. Everyone is thrilled, and Clarke can’t help but feel warm and happy herself. Afterwards the girls make their way over to Harper and Sarah, who are both sweaty and panting, but wearing identical smiles. Sarah’s eyes are sparkling in joy.

“Oh my god, that was AMAZING Sarah!” Octavia runs over, wrapping herself totally around the normally shy girl.

“Thanks, but it was only because of Harper’s perfect cross.”

“Which was also, AMAZING!” Zoe says, stepping up and giving Harper a huge hug. Clarke laughs and joins the hug. A round of hugs commences, and when Clarke’s eyes land on Sarah, she frowns at the look on Sarah’s face.

She’s looking towards the bleachers and has a shocked expression, but before Clarke can follow her gaze, their moment is ruined by-of course-a group of Polis students.

“Nice goal, ragmuffin, but don’t think that performance was enough to take on Polis.” Ontari, quite clearly the nastiest of all the Polis rich girls, walks up to them with a sneer. Anya, Gabby, and Emori are flanking her.

“In fact, you might want to just save yourself the embarrassment and not show up at all,” Anya adds, eyes twinkling in that not-fun way.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “Oh, back off Davis, Phillips. You just wish you an ounce of the talent Harper and Sarah had.”

“Please, I wouldn’t want an ounce of anything related to either of these ragmuffins,” Ontari rolls her eyes.

“What are you guys even doing here?” Clarke asks, hostility in her tone.

“Checking out our competition, obviously. I have to say, I’m not impressed,” Gabby speaks up, raising an eyebrow snobbishly.

Clarke rolls her eyes, “Well you can fuck off, this is Arkadia territory. We don’t want your heavily perfumed body odor to start rotting our field.”

“It might be an improvement, to be honest,” Anya replies.

Before any more fighting can break out, the soccer coach walks over, clapping Sarah on the shoulder. “is there a problem here?” She raises an eyebrow at the Polis students, who smile sweetly back at her.

“None at all, we were just congratulating these girls on their win,” Ontari says, the sweetness in her tone almost making Clarke sick.

“Well that’s very nice of you, I have to steal these star players away now, I’m afraid.”

“Of course,” Ontari replies, nodding at her possy. The Polis students turn and march away, leaving the Arkadian students rolling their eyes and sticking their tongues out at them. It’s childish, but Clarke somehow feels better after it.

The rest of the girls go to wait near the parking lot for Sarah and Harper, they were going to go out later that night. Before they arrive, and Clarke is thoroughly distracted by celebrations over the win, she wonders briefly where Lexa had been during the whole interaction, and if she had only been there to scout the competition, like the other Polis girls. But then Sarah and Harper arrive, and she doesn’t think about it for the rest of the evening.

******

The persistent knocking at the wooden door the following week is not exactly the way Clarke wants to start her day, but she figures it was about time she got of bed, anyway.

She rolls over and falls out of bed with a grunt. She pulls herself up and sleepily makes her way out of her bedroom and over to the front door. She yanked it open. “What?!”

Octavia, Sarah, Harper and Zoe are grinning at her from the front door. “It’s shopping day, Clarke, why aren’t you ready?” Octavia asks, clearly having been the one persistently pounding on the door.

Clarke groaned and slapped her forehead. “Sorry, I forgot.” She steps backwards. “Come in, I’ll be ready in a moment.”

The girls roll their eyes but come inside and head straight over to the kitchen. Clarke rolls her eyes, knowing they’re going to help themselves to whatever is in the fridge and cupboards.

She gets ready in a hurry, quickly shimmying into some jeans and a nice shirt. Brushing her hair and teeth, she applies some light makeup and then grabs her wallet.

“You know we’re getting lunch at the mall, right?” She raises and eyebrow at the four girls who have their mouths already stuffed with some cookies Clarke’s dad had stocked their cupboards with. He had an even bigger sweet tooth than Clarke.

The four girls gave her a sheepish grin, but finished swallowing and then put away the cookies.

“We were hungry now,” Harper says with a pout. Clarke just laughs and heads towards the front door.

“Come on, you dorks.” The girls follow her without question, laughing as they joke about whatever they had been talking about in the kitchen.

Later, the five friends were laughing as they walked down the sidewalk.

“I swear my room was like a sauna! I don’t even remember breaking the temperature valve,” Octavia shook her head, as she finished her tale.

The friends paused suddenly as they saw a group of Polis girls walking towards them.  Lexa was conversing with one of the girls near the back of the group. The three girls at the front spotted them and immediately gave the five Arkadian girls their signature snobbish smirk.

“Look at this, a group of ragmuffins decided to gang up and visit the muffin man together.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at Ontari, of course it was Ontari. Her gaze slid over to Lexa briefly, who had briefly glanced upwards towards the group and was frowning from where she stood back with the girl she had been conversing with.

Ontari stepped towards them.

“And the queen ragmuffin is here too. And in your finest rags too.” Sarah immediately dropped her gaze as Ontari stepped up to look down at her with a sneer.

Suddenly, a few things happened all at once. Just as Sarah went to take a step back, Ontari gave her the slightest of shoves. It wasn’t a true shove, but it was enough to send Sarah tumbling down to the sidewalk.

Harper and Octavia immediately leapt towards Ontari, but both were shoved aside by a fuming Lexa Fulton.

Clarke’s jaw dropped in shock as Lexa practically growled at Ontari, grabbing a fistful of her uniform and drawing her close to her face.

“Don’t you dare touch her Ontari!” Lexa’s eyes blazed and suddenly Ontari looked afraid.

“I’ve had it up to here with you insulting these students, and bullying them. You know, I’m done with this. I’m sorry I’ve been a coward for so long and haven’t confronted you. From now on, if you even so much as give any of these girls a look that can be seen as offensive, I’ll be on your case. You hear me?”

Ontari, despite legitimately looking scared, shook her head at Lexa. “What’s your deal Fulton? Why are you defending these girls all of a sudden?”

Lexa paused, glancing down at Sarah. “Because it’s the right thing to do, now fuck off.” Lexa let go of Ontari and shoved her down the sidewalk, the other Polis students joined her, giving Lexa a wide-eyed look.

She ignored them and knelt down to look Sarah in the eye. She gently placed a hand on Sarah’s knee, glancing over her to make sure she was ok. Clarke, still in shock, watched the scene unfold.

“Are you ok Sarah?”

Sarah nodded. “I’m fine Lexa. Thanks for defending me.”

“I’m sorry it had to come to that.” Lexa stood up and offered her a hand. Sarah took it and Lexa lifted her up. The two girls stared at each other and Lexa let out a deep sigh. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

Harper, Octavia, and Zoe all looked at each other, unsure how to respond to the whole interaction.

“Ok, good.”

Lexa suddenly started, and she glanced around her. She very briefly made eye contact with Clarke, before stepping backwards and nodding to the group.

She gave Sarah one last look before turning around and walking away crisply.

The whole group turned their gaze towards Sarah who immediately blushed and glanced downwards.

“Are you ok, Sarah?” Clarke asked, forehead wrinkled in concern.

“I’m fine, it was nothing, really.”

“What was that between you and Lexa?” Harper asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Sarah frowned. “Lexa and I? Nothing. She was just being nice.”

“I didn’t even know you’d met before.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well she knew your name.”

“Yeah she comes into the diner I work at sometimes.”

Harper nodded. “Oh ok, that makes sense.”

The five continued walking, talking despite the killed mood. Clarke glanced towards Sarah, who had a thoughtful expression on her face. Clarke just hoped she was ok, after all there really wasn’t a sweeter girl than Sarah.

*****

The door to the diner let out that familiarly annoying ding as she made her way inside, eyes darting around for the one person she was really here for.

Not seeing her at first, Lexa frowned and made her way over to the counter. Thankfully, none of the Polis students were here. Not that they usually came here, but still. Ever since the incident with the Arkadian students, they had steered clear of her. Lexa knew they were sizing her up, trying to decide whether she was someone they truly wanted to mess with. Ontari was fuming, this much Lexa knew. Truthfully, she couldn’t give a crap.

Sighing she slid into her usual seat at the counter, already feeling weary from the week, and it was only Monday.

“Are you going to try something besides the usual today?”

Lexa immediately brightened at the familiar tone. Turning around quickly she met Sarah’s sparkling eyes. Lexa gave her a wide smile. “Nope. I’m afraid if I try anything other than the usual I might give my waitress a heart attack.”

“We can’t have that, can we? I think your waitress is rather fond of you.”

“Oh did she tell you that? Well, don’t tell her, but I’m rather fond of her too,” Lexa leaned in and whispered the last part in Sarah’s ear, heart swelling at the small giggle Sarah let out.

Sarah let her hand brush against Lexa’s, smiling down at her in the way that made Lexa’s heart skip a beat.

“I’ll be right back,” she practically whispered. Lexa guessed she was getting Lexa’s food and coffee.

It was rather terrible coffee. Lexa only drank it because she needed the caffeine, and it was an excuse to hang out here while Sarah worked. It was an odd arrangement, but truthfully Lexa preferred doing her homework here than at home.

A few minutes later Sarah returned, coffee and pie in hand. “Here we go, the usual boring, unhealthy Lexa order.” She placed it before Lexa with a shy smile.

Lexa smiled up at her as she took a sip of the terrible coffee, wondering at the shy look Sarah was giving her.

She reached over tentatively, placing her hand on Sarah’s hand. “What’s wrong?”

Sarah bit her lip, bowing her head as she fiddled with Lexa’s fingers. “I just, I want to thank you for what you did on Saturday. I really appreciate you standing up for me.”

Lexa frowned, glancing down guiltily. Standing up for Sarah was the least she could do. “I should have done something sooner, Sarah. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“You’ve always been there for me, Lexa. Like that time you came in here and dragged all those stupid Polis students out of here when I texted you.”

“I’ll always be here for you, Sarah. I should have done more to make them back off of you way sooner.”

“It’s okay, I understand Lexa. I do.”

Lexa sighed, staring where their hands continued to play with each other. “Still.” She glanced back up to Sarah’s face, the vulnerability there making her heart ache.

In a way, Lexa had been lying earlier, her life wasn’t all about just surviving. There were these moments, the moments Lexa spent with Sarah, that were Lexa’s one bright spot in her currently bleak life-comparably  to her life three years ago, at least. And it was unfair how the two were separated by more than distance and different schools. Their lives were completely different. Lexa could have anything she wanted at the snap of a finger, and Sarah’s family sometimes struggled to get together a nice dinner.

She had left everything good in her life behind in Texas, and she lived most days with only the thought of escaping her past and everything that dragged her down. Everything and everyone but Sarah. Sarah was the only thing she wanted to take with her into her next stage of life. That and the two people she had left behind in Texas that she actually cared about. 

And Sarah was so good. Her family may have been struggling, but they were happy most days. Her younger siblings adored Sarah, and her parents were so proud of everything she did. Sarah had these big dreams, and when one night she had sleepily shared them with Lexa as they were tangled up and happy together, Lexa’s breath had been taken away.

Lexa, for the first time, had been willing to share her own dreams, drunk on the way it was so easy with Sarah. They made plans together, and Lexa wished it could stay like this forever.

But then the next morning came, and they had to go separate ways. Sarah to her friends at Arkadia, and Lexa to Polis and people she really couldn’t give a crap about.

Lexa was happy Sarah had good friends looking out for her. Sometimes she wished she had found people like that, but then again, who would be willing to take in her and her messed up past? Lexa had been lucky enough meeting Sarah, she wasn’t going to push her luck.

“Lexa?” Sarah’s voice brought her out of her rambling thoughts. Smiling at Sarah, she glanced around the diner quickly. No one was looking so she quickly brought Sarah’s hand up to her lips and kissed it gently.

“Lexa!” Sarah blushed, also glancing around the diner quickly.

“No one’s looking Sarah,” Lexa’s eyes twinkled.

“Well someone could have been.”

“I checked.”

Sarah just rolled her eyes, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Are you still coming over tonight?”

“Of course, I promised your family the best tacos they’ve ever had,” Lexa’s southern drawl suddenly became more pronounced and Sarah rolled her eyes.

“Just because you’re from Texas doesn’t mean you’re suddenly an expert on all things Mexican.”

“I beg to differ. I’ve tasted all the Mexican restaurants in this Massachusetts town, and ya’ll have no idea how to even do Mexican food justice.”

Sarah laughed and shoved Lexa’s shoulder. “Whatever dork. As long as you make guacamole I’ll be happy to fuel your Texas-sized ego.”

“My guacamole does make all the ladies swoon,” Lexa winked at Sarah and then laughed at her blush.

“So you have a trail of ladies following you around now, huh Lexa?”

Lexa’s eyes softened. “Nah, just one, and I kinda like her, so I’ll probably keep her around.”

“Yeah, well, I kinda love you.”

Lexa’s breath hitched in her throat. It wasn’t the first time they said I love you to each other, but hearing it said so casually by Sarah, in public, made her heart do some uncomfortable palpitations.

Before Lexa could reply, Sarah was speaking again. “You know, my parents know why you offer to make dinner for everyone so much. They’re not stupid you know.”

Lexa’s eyes immediately fell downward. “I like cooking.”

“Whatever Lexa, and that’s why you always buy way more groceries than you need. I’m pretty sure there’s no need for apples in tacos.”

“They’re to have with the vanilla ice cream.”

“Really? Then what are the strawberries for?”

“Ummm, diversity and choice? I’m trying to be progressive-minded Sarah.”

Sarah just rolled her eyes, but before she could reply, the door dinged. Lexa turned around and her face immediately slipped into the impassive look that Sarah hated. She felt Sarah pull her hand away, and though Lexa knew it was necessary, it still hurt a little.

Sarah’s friends gave her a weird look, especially Clarke, but then ignored her and turned their attention to Sarah.

Lexa immediately picked up her fork and began eating her pie, already missing Sarah as she slipped away to greet her friends.

She was aware of Clarke’s gaze on her. Truthfully, it made her uneasy. She had been aware of Clarke watching her throughout Sarah’s soccer game. She knew she shouldn’t have gone. There was absolutely no reason for her to be there. But she couldn’t resist. Watching Sarah so at ease on the field had made Lexa so happy; and when she had scored that goal, Lexa was pretty sure she had never been more proud or in love with her secret girlfriend.

But it had made Clarke suspicious. Which was ok, except for the fact that out of all of Sarah’s friends, Clarke was the most astute and observant. Octavia hated her guts, and would never look past her Polis uniform. Harper, likewise, would never forgive her for that time she supposedly filled her car with foam that had ruined the interior. It hadn’t even been her, but Anya and Emori. She had just happened to be in the parking lot when Harper discovered it, waiting for Sarah, actually. But before she could plead her innocence, Anya and Emori had shown up and dragged her away, giggling at the irate Harper. And Zoe hated her on behalf of her stupid boyfriend. She actually had fought with Sterling once, she wasn’t going to deny that. In her defense, he had deserved it. But no one had asked for her version of the events, and ever since, Zoe had had the worst impression of her.

Clarke though, Clarke didn’t have any real reason to hate her. And it had made her much more observant of Lexa’s behavior. Lexa sighed, resolving to avoid Clarke and the other Arkadians even more than she already did.

Sarah’s attention was taken most of the evening, only walking over to fill Lexa’s coffee cup as she gave her apologetic looks, that Lexa simply smiled away. She wouldn’t begrudge Sarah time with her friends. If she had any, she probably would want to spend time with them too. She focused on her homework, she had a lot of work to do in the lab tonight, and she needed to get this done quickly.

*****

Clarke had her gaze fixed on Lexa most of the evening. She had never actually given that much thought to the popular Polis student, but suddenly some sort of puzzle had dropped into Clarke’s lap and she was determined to figure it out.

Lexa was hunched over her homework, writing notes furiously on her page while she sipped from her coffee mug intermittently. It really was terrible coffee, and Clarke had no idea why Lexa drank so much of it.

It required Sarah going over there quite often. Every time she did, she lingered for a few seconds, giving Lexa this look that was undecipherable. Which was weird, because Clarke liked to think she knew Sarah pretty well at this point.

And every time, Lexa would raise her head from her homework, and give Sarah a small smile, thanking her. It was weird. The Lexa she knew was cold and ice. Impassive looks and rigid posture. But in the presence of Sarah, she just seemed to melt a little. Clarke supposed it was pretty much impossible not to, though. Sarah really was such a sweetheart.

“Does it get annoying, her constantly coming in here?” Octavia’s question was directed at Sarah who was leaning against the booth conversing with them. Sarah stiffened at the question.

“No, she’s polite and everything. She’s really not that bad.”

“Say that to my car,” Harper snorted.

“You don’t even know for sure that it was her.”

“Well, she didn’t deny it, and she was literally standing right there with Anya and Emori.”

“You didn’t even give her a chance to deny it.”

Harper rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“Hey, she did defend Sarah on Saturday, that’s worth something,” Clarke put in.  

“After two years, I’m not sure that’s worth anything,” Octavia grumbled.

Something flashed in Sarah’s eyes, and then she was stalking away, mumbling something about evening prep.

Octavia watched her go with a frown. “What crawled up her ass?”

Everyone shrugged it off, continuing to eat their dinner. But Clarke glanced back towards Lexa, who had her gaze fixed on the door Sarah had just gone through to get into the back. She had a small frown on her face, and her rapid note-taking had completely ceased. Clarke shook her head, returning her focus to the group before her. The mystery of Lexa Fulton could be figured out another day.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa shifted the grocery bag in her arms to free her hand, giving a quick knock on the Brunen’s front door.

Within a few seconds the front door was yanked open and a matching pair of dark-haired, brown-eyed, petite seven-year-olds grinned up at her.

Lexa’s eyes twinkled as she smiled back in return. “Adam, Chris, what’s up cowboys?”

The twins, wearing cowboy hats and boots that Lexa had once bought them as a present (mainly so she could distinguish them at a glance more easily), grabbed her hand and dragged her inside.

“Lexa!!! We’ve been waiting for you FOREVER! We’re STARVING!” Adam tugged her hand, dragging her into the kitchen.

Lexa laughed as she set the grocery bag on the counter, flashing Mr. and Mrs. Brunen a smile from where they were standing washing dishes together.

“Hello Tim, Emma.”

The pair smiled back at her, “Hello Lexa, we’re glad you’re here. The twins have been bouncing off the walls waiting for you to arrive.”

Lexa arched an eyebrow, then narrowed her eyes as she faced the boys. “Is that so, huh?”

The boys giggled at her, bouncing on the tips of their toes.

Lexa dropped down to her knees, looking them in them in the eye. “You know, I’m hungry too.”

The boys’ eyes twinkled, they were familiar with this game, having played it many times before. “Really?” They said, simultaneously.

“Mmmhmm, hungry for some cowboys.” With a roar Lexa made a lunge for the twins, who immediately squealed and ran away, knowing Lexa would chase them.

It was a game they played every time Lexa came over. Apparently Lexa T-Rexa was their favorite version of Lexa. After several minutes of chasing the boys around, roaring every time she got close to them, she finally pinned them down on the couch and was tickling their sides relentlessly.

“Lexa, stoppppp!!!” Chris whined, laughing with his eyes closed.

“I’m not Lexa, I’m a T-Rex.”

“No, no you’re Lexa!” Adam stated, wiggling to try and get out of her reach.

“Oh my god, could you guys be any louder!” Lexa ceased her tickling, and both her and the boys popped their head over the couch to take in the sight of the twins’ twelve-year-old sister, Lydia. Lexa grinned at her.

“Nice to see you too, Ly.”

Lydia rolled her eyes, but a grin found its way to her face regardless. Lexa jumped off the couch and the boys sighed in relief.

Chuckling she stepped over to where Lydia was standing and gave her a big hug. “How’s the basketball season going?”

Lydia returned the embrace, smiling as Lexa kissed the top of her head affectionately before stepping back. “It’s alright, I’m not as good as the other girls, but I’ve been practicing hard.”

Lexa nodded seriously. “I’m sure you’re going to be great when the season starts, I can’t wait to come cheer loudly at all your games.”

“No you can’t, I’ve already told mom and dad that you and Sarah are banned from coming to my games. I’d ban mom and dad too but they’re my ride.”

Lexa let out a loud laugh. “Sorry Ly, you can’t stop me.”

Before Lydia could reply Lexa felt arms snake their way around her waist, and she turned to grin at her girlfriend.

“Hey beautiful.”

Sarah grinned at her. “We’ve been waiting all evening for you to get here and make tacos, and all you’ve done since you’ve gotten here is pretend to be a dinosaur. I need food, Lexa.”

“So impatient,” Lexa tsked, before giving Sarah a quick kiss.

Lydia scrunched her nose. “Gross, seriously we talked about this. I thought we agreed no kissing in front of us.”

Both Lexa and Sarah grinned wickedly at her, before locking eyes and going in for another kiss-less PG this time.

Lydia immediately covered her eyes and groaned, backing away as she yelled for her parents.

Both girls were smiling too much to keep up the kiss so they broke away with a laugh. Sarah reached down and grabbed Lexa’s hand.

“I meant it, Lexa. I’m starving.”

Soon the two girls, plus Sarah’s parents, were in the kitchen all working on dinner together. It was something they had done often enough that at this point little communication needed to happen in regards to who was doing what.

Sarah and Lexa had been dating in secret for almost a year. Sarah had told her parents about them two months after they had started dating, and to Sarah’s surprise, her parents had been extremely supportive. Lexa had been around often enough at that point that Sarah’s parents were familiar with her as Sarah’s friend, it took only a slight adjustment for them to see her as Sarah’s girlfriend.

At first Lexa had been terrified of the idea of Sarah’s family knowing about them, but they had been so supportive of both of them that Lexa for the first time realized what it was like to feel like she was accepted completely for who she was.

And she loved it. She adored Sarah and her family. Family dinners were her favorite time of the week, and she wouldn’t miss them for anything. No one besides Sarah’s family knew they were dating, but for Sarah and her, that was enough for now.

“Lexa when’re done with the taco meat just bring it straight to the dining room table, we have everything else pretty much finished up,” Sarah’s mom, Emma, grabbed a bowl of salsa and a bowl of sour cream as she tossed the words towards Lexa who was busy stirring the taco meat at the stovetop.

“Sure thing, Emma.”

A few minutes later she turned off the flame, glancing behind her to make sure no one was in her way. Quickly she grabbed the pan of meat and carried it to dining room table, which was really just a makeshift table the family set up in the living room.

With a flourish she set it down on the slightly wobbly table, grinning at the twins who were bouncing in their seats.

Emma clapped her hands together. “I think that’s everything, everyone take a seat.”

Smiling, Lexa took a seat next to Sarah, briefly squeezing her hand.

After a quick prayer the family dug in, passing the condiments and food with the practiced ease of a family who did this often.

“Lydia here’s the mayo,” Tim, Sarah’s dad offered the mayo towards Lydia who rolled her eyes.

“Dad you know I don’t like mayo.”

“How could you not like mayo? It’s the best condiment? Are you sure you’re my daughter?”

“Dadddddd, we have this conversation every night,” Lydia whined as the rest of the table chuckled.

“One of these days I’ll finally convince you.”

“Not gonna happen dad,” Lydia stuck her tongue out at her father, who returned the favor. Emma rolled her eyes at the pair before turning her gaze towards Lexa.

“How’s the John Hopkins application going, Lexa?” She asked as she folded her taco.

“It’s going alright, I have a pretty good feeling about the application I’ve put together.”

“You’re going to get in for sure,” Sarah stated kindly, giving Lexa’s hand a squeeze. They both knew how much getting into John Hopkins mattered to her.

“I agree with Sarah,” Emma stated.

Lexa shrugged, but let a small smile escape. “Thanks. I know it’s a tough university to get into, especially for biomedical engineering, but all I can do is try, right?”

“Absolutely. Sarah has her sights set on Boston University.”

Lexa tensed slightly. Sarah and her had had the college discussion recently, and it had been a source of tension between the two. Lexa was adamant that Sarah go to the university she wanted to, which was Boston University. However, Sarah had also put together an application for Georgetown University, a school much closer to John Hopkins. Lexa knew she was doing it because she wanted to stay close to Lexa, which both scared and thrilled her.

“I know, I think Boston University would be a great fit for her.”

“I like Georgetown’s program too, and I think I have a shot at a pretty good scholarship,” Sarah added, a slight challenge to her voice. Lexa avoided meeting Sarah’s eyes, knowing that they hadn’t fully worked through this issue.

Emma looked surprised and she briefly glanced over to where her husband was seated. “Georgetown? I didn’t know you were thinking of going there, Sarah.”

Sarah shrugged. “I recently decided to apply there.”

Emma let it go, but her gaze drifted over to where Lexa was still seated stiffly, a slight frown on her face. Lexa knew what it looked like, and she desperately didn’t want Emma to think she was pressuring Sarah into a decision based around where Lexa wanted to go to school.

Thankfully, Adam interrupted the conversation when he started talking about something that happened at school, and the matter was dropped.

Later, Sarah and Lexa were both sprawled out on her bed working on homework. Sarah shared a room with Lydia, but when the two girls studied together, Lydia begrudgingly left the two alone.

Lexa glanced up, pencil between her teeth, and watched as Sarah frowned in concentration at her homework. Lexa stared for several minutes, lost in thought before Sarah glanced up and met her gaze. Sarah grinned at her and Lexa blushed at having been caught staring.

Sarah laughed, light and airy. “You alright there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“You, mainly.”

“I’m flattered.”

Sarah shifted so she could look at Lexa better. “What exactly were you thinking in regards to me?”

Lexa frowned down at her own homework. Truthfully, she didn’t really want to bring up this subject again. Every time Sarah and her had discussed it, they had come to an impasse.

“I just worry about your decision to apply to Georgetown. I know it’s your own decision and everything, but your mom is right, you’ve always wanted to go to Boston University.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Dreams and plans change, Lexa. Georgetown is a great school, and I could do really well there. I don’t understand why everyone seems so determined to make sure I go to a school I said I wanted to go to a year ago.”

“I just want to make sure you make your decision based on what’s best for _you,_ not on anyone else.”

“Meaning, you don’t want me to base it on the fact that you and I would be going to school in relatively the same area.”

“I just don’t want you to do anything you might regret.”

Sarah sighed, scooching closer on the bed so she could take Lexa’s hand and play with it. “I mean it when I say Georgetown is a good university, I think it would be a good fit for me. Yes, you’re a part of my decision, but that’s what you do when you’re in relationships. You think about how your decisions affect both people. Logically, I know long-distance relationships don’t always work out. I’m scared about what long-distance could mean for us, because I really want us to work out, long-term.”

Lexa brought her free hand up and cupped Sarah’s cheek, her thumb stroking her jaw. “I love you. I want us to work, too. I’m just scared you might resent me in the future because of this decision. I don’t want to get in the way of what _you_ really want.”

“I want you.”

Lexa’s heart leapt. Without a thought she leaned forward and kissed Sarah. Homework was forgotten as both girls immediately lost themselves in plump lips and soft skin.

****

Clarke chuckled at the sight of her father sprawled out on the couch, mouth open in mid-snore. She stepped into the living room and placed both plates she was carrying on the coffee table.

She knelt down and gently shook her father’s shoulder.

“Dad, it’s dinner time.”

Her father startled, eyes jumping around as he wiped the drool from his chin.

“Clarke? Everything ok?”

Clarke laughed, “Yeah, it’s just dinner time.”

Her father nodded absentmindedly. “Right, right. Sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s ok, you had a long week.”

Her father just grunted and sat up, giving Clarke room to sit down next to him, grabbing her own plate of food.

Her dad worked as a test and inspection technician at the local automotive plant, and it often required long hours. He usually picked up as many extra shifts as he could. Clarke didn’t begrudge him the time he spent working, she knew they had debts he needed to pay off.

“How was school today?”

Clarke shrugged as she ate her dinner. “About the same. I think Mr. Daniels almost had a heart attack today when he discovered that we switched out all the real plants in his classroom for fake ones. The funny thing is we did that like two weeks ago, so clearly he wasn’t taking good care of them.”

Her dad laughed, “You’re a troublemaker, Clarke. I knew I raised you right.”

“Considering how often we ambushed the neighbors in our water gun fights, I would say yes, you did.”

Her dad chuckled, finishing up his own dinner. “This is good, Clarke. Thanks for cooking.”

Clarke hummed, chewing her own food. She had to learn after her mom died, mainly because her dad started working longer hours. She actually considered herself a pretty good cook now, after two years of struggling to learn how.

After dinner, her dad put on a movie and Clarke snuggled into her dad’s side. She had finished her homework earlier, and this was her favorite part of the week.

She had always been close to her dad, but after her mom was diagnosed with cancer, and died a few months later, they had drawn closer in shared grief. It had taken months for both of them to be able to process through the pain of losing Abby, but two years later, they had reached a place where thinking and talking about her hurt less.

“Did you finish up those college applications you were working on?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I sent them in today actually.”

“John Hopkins too?”

Clarke played with the loose threads on the blanket she was using. “Yeah, it’s a long-shot, but I figured why not?”

“You’re crazy smart, Clarke, they’d be crazy not to accept you.”

“I hope so, I really want to go there.”

“Your mom would be so proud.”

Clarke felt tears spring to her eyes. “I know. I think she always had this hope I’d go to her alma mater.”

“You don’t have to do medicine, you know. You can do anything you want.”

Clarke nodded, “I know. I haven’t fully decided what I want to do yet. I like their International Relations and Affairs major, but their Biomedical Engineering major is also amazing.”

“I think it’s amazing your brain even works in the way you can switch between social and natural sciences so easily.”

Clarke laughed. “Octavia said the same thing, I think she was just frustrated with the lack of progress on her biology project.”

“I hated biology.”

“Hence why mom had to tutor you in high school.”

“Tutor was a bit of a stretch, there wasn’t always much ‘tutoring’ going on.”

Clarke made a face. “Gross dad, I don’t want to hear those things.”

Jake laughed, ruffling Clarke’s hair affectionately. “Ok kiddo, just know I’m very glad I never had to worry about you ‘tutoring’ anyone.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You know that I’ve had sex, right?”

Jake’s face went beet red. “Clarke, that is not what a father wants to hear his teenage daughter say.”

“Just being honest, plus I promise it was safe and we used protection.”

“As happy as I am about that, can we please change the subject?”

“You started it.”

Jake stuck his tongue out at Clarke and she laughed, returning her gaze to the movie they were watching.  The ache that was almost always present since Abby had died was there between the two of them, but over the two years both of them had learned to embrace it and live life as best they could despite it. Clarke knew it was harder for her dad, but he was doing everything he could to make things ok for Clarke, and she loved him dearly for it.

****

“Watch were you’re going, four eyes.” Lexa heard Ontari’s voice and the thud of someone being slammed into the lockers simultaneously. Whipping her head around she frowned as she spotted Anya’s younger sister collapsing to the ground.

Bristling she strode over to where Tris had collapsed, she sent a glare towards Ontari, who sent her a sneer in return and turned crisply to walk away.

Kneeling, she grabbed Tris’s glasses, which had fallen off when she was shoved against the lockers.

“Here you go.”

Tris took them and mumbled a thank you.

Lexa frowned in concern as she looked Tris up and down. The girl was in her freshman year, and an easy target for Ontari and the other bullies. For starters, she wore thick-rimmed glasses, and was openly gay.

“Are you ok?”

Tris sighed, standing up with Lexa’s help. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.”

Tris frowned at Lexa. The two weren’t unfamiliar to each other, she was Anya’s younger sister after all. Lexa couldn’t say they had ever engaged each other in conversation before, but she had always thought Tris seemed pretty cool.

“It’s fine, Lexa, really. I’ll be alright.”

Lexa sighed, grabbing the girl by her elbow and dragging her towards where she knew an empty classroom was.

Tris immediately began protesting. “Lexa! What are you doing? I have class!”

“I’ll talk to your teachers, it’ll be fine, they love me.”

Pulling Tris through the door, she immediately closed it behind her and then directed Tris towards and empty chair.

Tris sat down, still clutching her backpack. Lexa sighed as she dragged a chair to sit across from Tris.

The two stared at each other for a minute before Tris bowed her head and adjusted her glasses nervously. Lexa smiled.

“I wear glasses too.”

Tris whipped her head up at the comment. “You do? You never wear them, do you wear contacts?”

Lexa nodded. “I wore them every day of freshman year back in Texas, a lot of people called me four eyes, but my best friend always started yelling fiercely at them in Spanish, and she was not fun to have on your bad side. After a while, people started leaving me alone. Then I moved here, and my uncle bought me contacts. He didn’t like how the glasses looked on me I guess.”

Tris nodded. “I was thinking of just getting contacts, it might stop some of the teasing.”

“Maybe, kids are cruel. They might just find another target.”

“Like that I’m gay?”

Lexa’s eyes softened. “Like I said, kids are cruel.”

Tris let out a bitter laugh. “From what I see of the world, it doesn’t get much better.”

“I don’t know if that’s true or not, I’m not that much older than you after all, but I think there’s times where the world isn’t so bad. You make what you can with it, I guess.”

“I guess.”

Lexa leaned forward and tapped Tris gently on the knee. “Listen Tris, I’m going to tell you something, and you have to promise to keep it between us, ok?”

Tris frowned as she brought her head up to look Lexa in the eye. “Ok?”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Lexa nodded, satisfied. “No one really knows because it’s never come up. I mean, people ask me about boyfriends all the time, and I just say I’m not interested in relationships right now. The truth is, I don’t have a boyfriend because I’m not into that, I’m gay. I actually have a girlfriend.”

Tris’ jaw dropped in surprise, clearly taken aback by Lexa’s confession. “Are you being serious?”

“Absolutely. I’ve known for a long time, everyone back home in Texas knew. When I moved here, there was no way I could tell my Uncle, so I’ve kept it quiet. I figured it might help you, though, knowing there’s someone who understand what you’re going through.”

Lexa smiled at the look on Tris’ face. She hadn’t even done anything, and Tris looked like she had given her exactly the Christmas present she had asked for. She would be lying if it didn’t make her heart melt a little, she remembered being that age after all. If she hadn’t had her best friend, she doesn’t know what she would have done then.

“That means a lot Lexa. And I promise I won’t tell anyone, seriously, your secret is safe with me!” Tris blushed at her rambling, fingers coming to play with her glasses.

Lexa laughed, amused by the blushing and overly excited freshman. “Well thank you Tris. I have to say, I think you’re incredibly brave, being so open about your sexuality. If I didn’t have my girlfriend to worry about, I’d be inspired by you to be just as open.”

Tris blushed even deeper, her face a now deep shade of red. “Thanks Lexa, I think it’s sweet you’re worried about your girlfriend.”

“She’s all I ever worry about.” Standing up she offered Tris a hand. “We should get you back to class.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Tris grabbed her backpack, and Lexa led her to her next class, giving Tris’ teacher a sweet smile to make sure she was off the hook for being late.

With a quick wave to Tris she strode off to her own class, lost in thought about how she would talk to Anya about this.

****

“Anya!”

Lexa’s shout drew the attention of the entire soccer squad, and Anya sent her quizzical look at the interruption.

“Lexa? What do you want?”

Lexa ignored the rest of the soccer team, marching up to Anya and grabbing her to drag her to the side of the field.

“Lexa! Hey! Lexa I’m in the middle of practice!”

“You can take a quick water break.”

“Seriously Lexa, what’s up? Did I do something?”

Lexa deposited Anya on the side of the field, she chewed her lip as she looked at Anya, trying to gauge which direction she should take this conversation.

“I saw Ontari shove Tris into some lockers today.”

“She what? Why? Is it because she’s gay?”

“It was because of her glasses, actually. But we all know Ontari will lay into Tris if she’s given free reign.”

Anya sighed, rubbing her forehead in frustration. She growled and began pacing. “I don’t know what to do, Lexa. I’ve tried protecting her, why do you think I even hang out with Ontari? If I don’t attempt to reign Ontari in, I don’t even want to know what she would do to Tris.”

Lexa crossed her arms as she watched Anya pace. “You have to confront Ontari, Anya. She can’t just go around bullying people, especially your younger sister.”

“You don’t think I know this, Lexa? Ontari isn’t someone you just mess with easily. Besides, I haven’t exactly seen you attempt to shut down Ontari’s bullying.”

“I know, Anya, I know. I’m not proud about it, ok? I’ve just been trying to get through this damn high school without caring about anything, or anyone. But Tris is a good kid, and she needs our help.”

Anya stopped her pacing, looking up towards Lexa, Lexa frowned at the weird look on Anya’s face. “What? What is it?”

Anya shook her head. “Nothing. It’s just weird. You’re usually so reserved, it’s weird seeing you display so much emotion.”

Lexa shrugged. “Like I said, Tris is a good kid. I haven’t exactly been the most involved here at the school, but I guess there’s just never been a good enough reason for me to be.”

“Gee thanks.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “You’re a good friend Anya. I was the sucky one, ok? I’m just not great at the whole friend thing.”

“Oh really?

“Shut up. Now what are we going to do about Ontari?”

Anya’’s jaw set, and she stopped her pacing to gaze at her soccer team. Lexa had known Anya for two years, though not very well. Of everyone at this school, she probably talked to her the most. It was probably because Anya didn’t ask for much, she was ok with Lexa’s reserved façade, and never pushed too far.

Still, over the two years they had come to learn a few things about each other. For example, Lexa knew Anya could be downright terrifying most of the time. She had lost count of the number of people Anya had made cry, usually because they made the mistake of trying to either get in Anya’s pants, or were dared to try and talk to her. Anya could spot them from a mile away.

But Lexa also knew Anya was fiercely protective of those she loved. And she had worked hard for the last four years trying to gain a good reputation at the school, hoping to make it an easier transition for her younger siblings. Lexa could admire that.

She waited patiently for Anya to speak whatever was on her mind, willing to wait until she had thought everything through. After several minutes she returned her gaze to Lexa.

“The only thing that will protect Tris is going after the heart of the problem, making sure the bullies know she’s off limits.”

“You’re going to fight Ontari?”

“If I have to.”

Lexa nodded, frowning at the thought. She hadn’t been lying when she said Ontari was no easy target, you really didn’t want to mess with her.

“This wouldn’t happen if Tris hadn’t made such a big target out of herself.”

Lexa’s eyes narrowed at Anya as she rubbed her face in frustration.

“What do you mean?”

“I told her she should get contacts, and not to advertise her sexuality. But she wouldn’t listen to me. I wished she had, then this wouldn’t be an issue.”

Lexa could feel her anger rising. She knew Anya was nothing like her Uncle, but still. It reminded her of all the lectures Titus had given her on how she should look and act. It drove her crazy. “Tris shouldn’t have to hide herself from others, she should be who she is. It’s not her fault, it’s the fault of the bullies. Period.”

“It wouldn’t have to be forever, just until she was older and better able to defend herself.”

“Anya, there should never be a time when you have to feel the need to hide who you are. Never.”

Anya narrowed her eyes at Lexa. “Bit of a hypocrite, aren’t you Lexa? You can lecture me about wanting Tris to hide who she is for her safety, but I know how much you hide. You think you can walk around and not tell anyone anything about yourself, and you’ll be fine. The only thing protecting you is the fact that you’re worth more than half the kids in this school combined. If you want people to stay true to themselves, why don’t you just stop hiding from the world then? Set an example.”

Lexa stepped forward, breaking into Anya’s space. “The thing is, Anya, I don’t give a damn what people think about me. It’s not worth my time trying to ‘fit in’ here. In a short amount of time I’ll be out of here, and I’ll never have to think about this school or this town again.”

“And until then you can get by with not caring about anyone or anything, huh? What kind of life is that? Is that how you did it in Texas? No wonder you never talk about life there, I bet you couldn’t wait to get out of there too.”

Lexa shoved Anya backwards, causing her to stumble into the bleachers. “You don’t know a damn thing, Anya!”

Anya recovered from her stumble and marched forward, shoving Lexa in return. “Well, why don’t you start telling me then! Then I can start knowing and you can stop pretending like you’re ok with not letting anyone in.”

Before Lexa could shove back, or even reply, the soccer coach was striding over.

“Ok that’s enough ladies! You’re shouting match could wake the dead.” She snarled at them, using her arms to create distance between the two bickering girls.

Anya sent Lexa a fierce glare, before huffing and then marching over to return to her team.

“Do something about Tris, Anya, or I will!” Lexa shouted after her, but Anya ignored her, jogging to match her teammates’ pace.

“Miss Fulton, you probably shouldn’t be here.” The soccer coach raised an eyebrow at her, and Lexa mentally rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll be on my way. No more interrupting practice, I promise.”

She turned and stomped away, face still flushed from her fight with Anya. She knew she would probably apologize to Anya later, after all the girl hadn’t exactly said anything untrue. Still, she didn’t like being called out.

Truthfully, she knew she was being unfair to Anya. She knew how hard she tried to protect her younger siblings. And if anyone had been kind to Lexa, it was Anya. In fact, Anya had been more of a friend than Lexa had deserved. Still, she had never liked apologizing. 

With a sigh she returned to the parking lot, getting on her motorbike and speeding away towards the familiar diner on fiftieth.

*****

Clarke was giggling about something Finn had said when they walked into the diner. It had been a long week, and when Finn suggested that they go out and get some dinner at the diner Sarah worked at, she had gratefully jumped at the chance.

With the familiar ding overhead, Clarke’s eyes immediately jumped-as if they had a mind of their own-towards the solitary figure hunched over her homework at the counter.

“Clarke, you ok?” Finn’s hand was in hers, and he squeezed it gently, following her line of sight. “Ah, one of those Polis girls. Don’t worry, I’m here, she won’t bother you.”

Clarke turned her head and smiled at him, “I was just surprised to see her here, that’s all.”

Before Finn could reply Whitney gave them a wave and pointed towards an empty booth. Returning the wave, the couple made their way over.

Clarke slid into the booth, and Finn took a seat across from her. He sent her a wink before picking up his menu.

Clarke smiled at him, before sneakily glancing back towards Lexa. She was still puzzled over the girl’s behavior. Truthfully, she had never interacted with Lexa often in the past, only seeing her in passing and hearing about her from her friends. But over the last few weeks it seemed like all of a sudden she was everywhere.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts she glanced down at her own menu and then back up towards Finn. He had recently cut his far too shaggy hair, per her suggestion, and the new haircut was by far an improvement.

Finn wasn’t a bad guy at all. The two were actually pretty good friends before they had started dating, and even after they were dating few things changed other than them making out regularly, and the sex, of course.

Finn glanced up to interrupt her staring, and he raised an eyebrow. “See something you like, princess?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, your haircut. I’m glad you finally got a nice haircut after two years of me telling you to do so.”

“Gotta keep the girlfriend happy.”

Clarke just laughed and shook her head. “So if I’d agreed to be your girlfriend two years ago, I could have gotten rid of that awful haircut sooner?”

“Two years ago I think I probably would have jumped off a bridge for you.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t now?”

“Well, I might test out the safety of doing so beforehand. Maybe grab a bungee cord or something. I’m smarter now, you see.”

“I hear being a senior does that.”

“My mom was pretty worried, she said I took too many hits to the head and I’d probably end up being as dumb as a rock.”

Clarke laughed. Finn’s mom was as sarcastic as Finn and Clarke, and she had always had an easy-going relationship with Finn and his many friends. It’s why most of them usually ended up at his house for parties and after-school hangouts.

Before she could reply Whitney waltzed over.

“How you two doing? Anything I can get for you?”

Clarke and Finn smiled up at her, quickly ordering their usual. When she was finished, Clarke’s eyes drifted over to where Lexa was. Her eyebrows shot up at the sight of Sarah leaning on the counter across from her. She must have been telling some kind of story, as her hands waved around wildly and Lexa listened intently from where she was sitting.

Whitney chuckled from where she was standing, having written down Finn’s order. Clarke tore her gaze from Lexa and Sarah and looked at Whitney, who was giving her a knowing look in return.

“It’s weird, right?”

Clarke shrugged. “What do you mean?”

“Sarah and Lexa, I think they’re friends? Lexa comes in almost every shift Sarah works, and Sarah always takes care of her order. Also, Sarah chats with Lexa whenever she’s not helping the customers. I don’t really get it. Lexa has always scared me, she’s like, super intimidating.”

“Maybe it’s a façade, maybe she just likes people thinking she’s super scary,” Finn offered.

“Whatever it is, it works, I’ll tell you that,” Whitney replied.

“She doesn’t seem to be intimidating Sarah very much,” Clarke said, head tilting as she examined the pair.

“Yeah it’s weird, I guess Sarah just isn’t intimidated by her.” Whitney shrugged and gathered their menus. Finn took Clarke’s hand, stealing her attention away from the puzzle halfway across the room.

“So have you heard anything back from any of the universities you applied to?” Clarke frowned at the question. She knew Finn was pretty anxious about where she would ultimately end up attending.

“Not yet, but I wouldn’t expect a response back for a few more weeks.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

Finn ducked his head, staring at where their hands were connected. When she had first started dating Finn last year she had made it pretty clear she didn’t see it being a long-term arrangement. After all, she had a lot of ambitious goals, and she didn’t want to be limited by having to base life decisions on what someone else was doing. And Finn had agreed. Recently, however, she was starting to realize he might not be as ok with the arrangement as she had initially thought.

“Finn, we’ve talked about this.”

Finn sighed. “I know, I know. I get it, I’m probably going to UT for university, and you’re not going to be anywhere close. I just, it sucks, ok?”

Clarke nodded sympathetically. “I know.”

“Sometimes I don’t get how you can close off your emotions so easily, you know? I’ve spent the better half of the last year convincing myself not to fall in love with you, but it didn’t seem to do any good.”

Finn’s words, though harsh, weren’t misplaced. His eyes held no judgement, though they were sad. If there was one thing Clarke liked about Finn, it was his understanding of Clarke. And he always let Clarke make her own decisions. He understood her better than probably anyone else she knew. As much as she liked Finn, and was close to him, she just couldn’t see him being someone she fell in love with. As much as it pained Clarke, she could never love Finn like he deserved.

“Finn.”

Finn waved his free hand. “No, no, don’t say anything. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the time we have before it comes time to part ways and go on with our different lives.”

“Finn, you’re still my best friend, you know that, right?”

Finn smiled weakly at her. “I know, and you’re mine too. I’m going to miss you when it comes to leaving for college.”

“Well, that’s a long time away, so let’s not think about it.”

Finn laughed. “Amen to that. And you have to promise to come to one of my games when I’m actually a starter, ok?”

Clarke laughed, offering a pinky. “I pinky-promise. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“I’m going to remember this, just so you know.”

Clarke smiled ruefully. “I’m counting on it.” 

****

A few days later Clarke was walking home from school, lost in thought. She almost missed it, but in her periphery she saw the Polis uniform and did a double-take. She raised her eyebrows at the sight of Lexa standing by the local park.

Clarke almost didn’t walk over, but she had never been one to control her curiosity. So before she could second-guess her decision she was walking across the street towards the small park nestled in the middle of the neighborhood.

She paused briefly to study the object of her focus. Lexa was leaning lazily against the fence that separated a portion of the park from the street. It was just low enough for an adult like Lexa to lean against casually, but still high enough to prevent the escape of any small children.

She had this small smile on her face as she watched some of the kids playing on the park infrastructure. Clarke couldn’t help wondering if she was here for someone specific, she had to be, right?

“Hey Lexa.” Clarke finally broke her own weird private staring moment and walked up to lean against the fence in the same way Lexa was.

Lexa stiffened slightly, but tore her eyes away from the playground to meet Clarke’s briefly. “Hello Clarke.”

“Who are you here with?”

Lexa nodded to where a girl, probably about six years old, was climbing up to one of the tall slides.

“Your sister?”

Lexa shook her head. “No, Melanie’s the daughter of some friends of mine. I promised I’d pick her up after school today, and she wanted to go to the park. I had some extra time anyway.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. She hadn’t expected the usually stoic Lexa to have such a soft side to her. “That’s really nice of you.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s nothing, really. Melanie’s a great kid, and she loves the park.”

Clarke hummed, turning her gaze back towards the park. She watched the little girl Lexa had pointed out. She looked so happy and carefree, and Clarke could see why Lexa would have a soft-spot for the little girl.

Just then the object of both their gazes turned towards them, and gave Lexa a big wave matched with an equally big smile. She then turned and practically threw herself down the slide. Clarke could feel Lexa stiffen briefly beside her, before relaxing when she saw Melanie come down safely at the bottom.

Clarke shook her head, smiling. The two stood in silence beside each other for a while, before Clarke returned her gaze to Lexa. “Sometimes I can’t figure you out, Lexa. You’re like this whole mess of contradictions.”

Lexa didn’t turn to match her gaze, continuing to watch Melanie. “Maybe you should just stop trying to figure me out, then.”

“Oh, I can’t do that. I’m like a cat after a ball of twine now, there’s no stopping me. You might as well spill all your secrets now, resistance is futile.”

Surprisingly, Lexa chuckled. She turned to look Clarke in the eyes, and Clarke did her best to control her reaction at seeing Lexa’s so-very green eyes up close for the first time.

“I’m afraid I’m not that easy, Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up, before bursting out laughing. “I see, that’s still not going to stop me from trying.”

Lexa sighed. “Why don’t you just do me a favor and leave me alone, or just hate me like the rest of your friends, it’d be easier for me.”

“They don’t all hate you. Well, at least Sarah doesn’t”

Lexa stiffened again at the mention of Sarah’s name, and Clarke frowned at the reaction. “What _is_ going on between you and Sarah, anyway? Why were you so quick to defend her when Ontari pushed her over? I’ve never seen that amount of emotion from you, even when you’re insulting Octavia’s habit of acting before she thinks.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “You know, you’re the second person recently to mention my apparent inability to show emotion. It just wasn’t right, ok? Ontari shouldn’t bully people like that. Violence is never the answer.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Really? There’s no other reason?”

Lexa suddenly whirled around, stepping into Clarke’s space. Clarke immediately stepped back, eyes going wide at the sudden change in Lexa’s demeanor. She didn’t even know what button she had pushed, though she wished she did. She could use it in the future.

Lexa jabbed a finger at Clarke, eyes blazing. “You want to know the real reason why I stepped in to defend Sarah?”

Clarke nodded quickly, but Lexa barely even registered her reaction before continuing.

“Sarah is innocent. She’s this little package of sweetness and naivety wrapped together, and she doesn’t deserve someone else coming in and ruining that. God knows she’ll have to learn enough about the world in the next few years. Her innocence should be protected for as long as it can be before this damn world decides to stomp all over it.”

Clarke frowned. “She’s not as innocent as you think, Lexa, she’s got her problems too.”

“I know that, Clarke. Her and the other kids at Arkadia, I know the struggles they go through. But at least she hasn’t experienced what you and I have, and hopefully she never has too.”

Clarke shook her head. “How do you even know what the kids at Arkadia are going through? You have no idea what it’s like, you’re the richest kid in this whole damn town. Anything you want, you can get. You have no idea what it’s like to try and scrap together the bare ends to try and make it another day.”

“You don’t know me, Clarke.”

Clarke chewed on her lip, noting the dimming fire in Lexa’s eyes. She wasn’t wrong, Clarke knew practically nothing about Lexa. She didn’t even know if she had any siblings. She seemed to liken Clarke to herself, did that mean she lost someone important too? A parent? What kind of loss had she been through? It was infuriating how little she knew about Lexa, and how much she seemed to know about Clarke. It was almost equally as infuriating to realize how much she wished she knew Lexa better.

“You’re right Lexa, I don’t know you. Why don’t you enlighten me? Instead of being so damn mysterious all the time.”

Lexa shook her head. “Our past is the one thing that’s ours, Clarke. We can choose what we do with it. Tell others about it, use it for stupid lessons you can teach others, learn from it, forget it, bury it. I fully intend to keep the past my own.”

“So you’re not going to tell me anything about yourself?”

“If the past can be buried, I’ve already dug the grave. And I don’t intend to unbury it.”

Clarke huffed out a breath in annoyance. “You’re the most frustrating person I’ve ever met.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Have you even met yourself?”

Clarke gave out a rueful smile, sticking out her hand. “Hi. I’m Clarke.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at the action, before rolling her eyes and taking Clarke’s hand. “Lexa.”

“It’s nice to meet you Lexa.”

Lexa shook her head, eyes flickering over briefly to where Melanie was still playing. “What is this?”

“This is us starting over. I think we’ve had enough assumptions ruling our lives already. You may not want to talk about your past, Lexa, but I guess we can be friends in the present at least.”

“Why would you even want that? Your friends hate me, remember? I’m not exactly the best candidate for friend of the year.”

Clarke shrugged. “Maybe. But I think there’s a lot more to you than any of us have presumed. I guess I’m willing to take a chance on that hunch.”

Lexa turned to lean back against the fence. “Well then Clarke, I look forward to your future pronouncement on whether I’m actually who you’ve all assumed me to be these last two years.”

Clarke’s eyes sparkled as she began walking backwards, leaving Lexa to watch over her small trustee. “Me too, Lexa, me too.”

Clarke ignored a lot of things from that encounter. She ignored how her stomach did a little flip at the sight of Lexa smiling. How she didn’t think she could have resisted walking over to talk to her if she had tried. How sexy Lexa looked in her uniform, or how beautiful she looked when she was relaxed. But most of all, she ignored how much she was actually looking forward to being friends with Lexa Fulton.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke leaned against the doorframe, bored and tired. She knew Lexa came by here at night, or at least she suspected based on the one time they ran into her a few weeks ago in their ill-fated attempt at sabotage.

She really wasn’t sure what has caused her to wander over here in wait of Lexa, she may have self-proclaimed them friends a few days ago, but there was no indication that they were more than passing buddies.

Truth be told, Lexa intrigued her to no end. There was a mystery there, and Clarke had always loved mysteries the best.

“Clarke?”

Clarke jerked her head around to where Lexa was standing a few feet away, a confused tilt to her head as she took Clarke in.

Clarke smiled, Lexa was dressed in casual clothes this time, apparently she didn’t actually live in the Polis uniform. Her hair was still in the braids she usually wore, and she held a paper bag in one hand, and a satchel in the other. Who carried around a satchel these days? Forty-year-old men?

Clarke was so lost in her examination of Lexa she didn’t reply to Lexa’s initial inquiry, prompting Lexa to step forward with a frown and try again.

“What are you doing here?”

Clarke smirked. “What are _you_ doing here? It’s afterhours, I believe.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, before stepping up to join Clarke by the doors of the school. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a key card, swiping at the lock.

“Considering the hefty donation my uncle has given to this school, nothing is ever closed for me,” Lexa replied. “So I ask again, what are you doing here?”

Clarke shrugged. “I was curious what you do here. Do you come here every night?”

Lexa didn’t answer as she walked crisply down the empty hallway, Clarke on her tail. Before Clarke could ask again, Lexa turned the corner and disappeared into a side-room.

Clarke glanced up at the sign. Security. So that’s how Lexa knew about the security guard. She followed Lexa, but stopped just inside the doorway, head tilting at the sight before her.

Lexa had bent down in front of a desk where large snores were emanating.

“Jimmy? Jimmy, I brought you some dinner.”

The guard startled as Lexa shook his shoulder, eyes blinking several times before recognition set in. He gave Lexa a big grin as he sleepily rubbed at his eyes.

“Lexa! Sorry, I was trying to stay awake till you came, but long day you know.”

“Mmhmm, I know. Double-shift today?”

Jimmy nodded, before his eyes wandered over to where Clarke stood.

“Brought a friend today, huh? That’s a first for you Lex.”

Lexa shrugged, and Clarke grinned at the nickname. She was a little taken aback, though, by the familiarity of the pair. Lexa must come here a lot.

Lexa placed the paper bag on the desk.

“Here’s your dinner, or midnight snack, or whatever you call it. I’m just going to bring Clarke to the lab, we’ll be in there until Clarke eventually gets bored and leaves.”

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, shooting another glance at Clarke.

“Clarke?”

Lexa nodded once, before stepping back. “Don’t forget to go through that paperwork Rebecca assigned you, she’ll have your head if it’s not done by tomorrow. I’ll check in before I head out.”

Jimmy nodded, reaching into his paper bag. “Go, go. Have fun with your friend.”

A small grin found itself to Lexa’s face, before she turned towards Clarke and it dropped away.

“Come on.”

Clarke shrugged and followed Lexa down a few more hallways before Lexa used her key card again to access a huge, shiny lab filled with what looked like all of the latest equipment.

Clarke’s eyes grew wide as she took in the room. The room was fancier than any university biology lab she had seen, exactly how much money did Polis have?

Before she could ask, Lexa was offering a lab coat to her.

Clarke took it, sending a questioning look towards Lexa.

Lexa sighed. “I come here to work on research. I rather like the biological sciences.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “I can see that.” She smiled affectionately as she put the coat on. “I actually do too. Right now I can’t decide whether I want to go to university for biomedical engineering, or international relations.”

Lexa’s own eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I’m hoping to go to John Hopkins for biomedical engineering.”

“You’re kidding? I applied to that program.” Clarke shrugged, face immediately becoming cautious. “I mean, not that there’s a large chance of me getting in, clearly you’re way more qualified than me.”

Lexa shook her head. “Don’t say that Clarke. I’m sure your application was fantastic, you seem rather brilliant.” Lexa gave her a small, conspiratorial smile. “I’ll let you in on a little secret.” Lexa leaned closer and whispered loudly, “I’m pulling a B in Spanish right now. My uncle is throwing a hissy fit over it.”

Clarke let out a loud laugh. “So you’re not perfect is what you’re saying?”

Lexa grinned at Clarke’s laugh. “Not quite. Just almost perfect.”

Clarke rolled her eyes but chuckled. “So what type of research are you working on?”

Lexa shot her a smile and soon she was explaining what she had been working on for the last couple of months. Frankly, Clarke was impressed by the depth of knowledge Lexa had in the subject, and the pair spent hours going over the research design. Clarke asked far too many questions, but Lexa didn’t seem to mind one bit.

In fact, Lexa’s entire demeanor changed as she showed Clarke her notes, written in barely legible cursive. She became passionate and loosened, so different from the everyday Lexa that Clarke had experienced thus far.

It was all a little overwhelming. The smallest worm of unease made its way subconsciously into the back of Clarke’s mind as she watched Lexa wave her hands around, explaining the deductive approach she had taken to a particular problem. And then there was the way she would tilt her head a certain way when she was searching for the right word to say. And the worst (best?) was that the more passionate Lexa became about whatever subject she was pursuing, the more she slipped into her natural southern accent. Clarke had noticed it before, but for the most part the drawl wasn’t extremely noticeable. Except now, and Clarke rather liked the natural Texan accent on Lexa.

It was comfortable, discussing cell cultivations and DNA regression, with Lexa. And then Clarke would lean in closer to read a portion of Lexa’s notes, and she would catch the faintest hint of Lexa’s perfume and her stomach would swoop uncomfortably.

It was too much for Clarke to take in, so she ignored it in favor of grilling Lexa on her research, even when Clarke already knew the terms Lexa used.

Eventually, hours had passed, and the two had barely moved from the stools they had pulled out to collapse in when they realized no work would be done tonight-as they were too caught up in their discussion.

Clarke’s head was resting on her palm when she let out a wide yawn. Lexa sheepishly stopped whatever rant she had been in the middle of, and bit her lip.

“I’m sorry, it’s really late and I’m sure you have plans tomorrow. I shouldn’t have kept you here so long.”

Clarke waved her hand dismissively. “Nonsense, it’s Saturday tomorrow. I can sleep all day tomorrow if I wanted to. And besides, I wanted to stay, I haven’t had such a good discussion about biology, like, ever.”

Lexa chuckled. “Me neither, it’s not exactly the most riveting of subjects for some people.”

“Well they’re all just idiots.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow, “And clearly you are not.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Yes, unlike what many of your Polis friends would think, there’s a few smart ones at Arkadia.”

Lexa grew quiet as she tilted her head and examined Clarke. “They’re not really my friends, you know.”

Clarke tilted her own head to match Lexa’s, causing Lexa to roll her eyes and straighten her head.

“I mean, not really. Anya’s the only one I would really call my friend, and even then, we’re more passing acquaintances than anything.”

“But you’re, like, the most popular student at Polis.”

“Popularity works differently at Polis, I have the most money and influence, thus I automatically occupy a unique position of popularity.”

“That’s kind of stupid.”

“I agree.”

Clarke laughed, dropping her chin onto her folded arms. “So if you don’t have any friends here at Polis, who do you hang out with?”

Lexa frowned, her head bowing to stare at her fingers.

“Oh come on, please don’t tell me you’re one of those ‘it’s better to be alone’ people.”

Lexa sighed, eyes coming up to meet Clarke’s.

Clarke tried to hide to slight shiver that ran down her spine as the force of Lexa’s gorgeous green eyes met her. There was a storm inside of them, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to try and figure it out. She had always liked mysteries.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I wasn’t always. I used to have a lot of friends I was close with. We used to have bonfires on the beach every weekend, and football matches at the local park. We were stupid and had far too many close calls with the police. I was arrested a couple times, you know. My parents used to get so exasperated with me, but I would just give them this cheeky grin, and quote Kipling back to them. My parents were always a sucker for carpe diem moments. One time I convinced them to crash a wedding with me. We ended up being escorted to a security office, but we had consumed one too many glasses of champagne, and they eventually released us simply because they couldn’t handle us singing one more Beatles song.”

Clarke gave her a look of disbelief, sure she was making all this up. Lexa just let out a light laugh.

“Life was different then. When I moved here, things changed. I changed. And maybe it’s just self-preservation, but I do what I can to survive.”

Clarke frowned. “But life should be about more than just surviving, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, but sometimes life is survival. We do what we can to make it by until eventually, life does become more.”

Clarke nodded her head. She understood that sentiment. After her mom had died, she had done what she could every day to just keep walking forward. Her dad and herself sometimes just performed the bare minimum. It had taken a while, but eventually life had become less suffocating, life had become more than just survival.

“I can understand that.”

Lexa stood up. “Well, enough of this far too serious talk. We should probably get going.”

Clarke stood up, knowing she wouldn’t get more out of Lexa, curious as she was. Just a few days ago she had refused to talk about her past, and here she was opening up just a crack. Though Clarke was sure it had been mostly accidental. Still, it had been the barest hint of what Lexa had so jealously guarded just a few days ago-and it made Clarke almost desperate to know more.

The two cleaned up and were soon locking up the lab. True to word, Lexa popped in to check on Jimmy and just rolled her eyes when she found him snoozing. After Lexa woke him up to make sure he had done his paperwork-he had-they bid him farewell and walked outside together.

“Do you have a ride home?” The pair were walking towards the parking lot, but Lexa was frowning at her. Clarke shrugged.

“I’ll probably just walk home?”

“How far is that?”

“A little more than a mile, I guess.”

“Clarke, it’s dark out. I’ll give you a ride.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

Lexa shook her head, “I insist.”

Clarke shrugged her consent, then widened her eyes when she realized the vehicle they would be using was a black, sleek-looking motorbike.

“That’s your ride?”

Lexa laughed and nodded, handing a helmet to Clarke. “Yes.”

Clarke ran her hand along the sleek exterior. “Dude, this bike is sexy as fuck.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “I know. It’s a real ladykiller.”

Clarke paused for the briefest of moments at the statement. Did that mean? Clarke shut down her thought process, even if Lexa had meant something by the statement, it didn’t matter. Clarke was dating someone. And Lexa, well, she was Lexa. Clarke definitely shouldn’t be thinking about the potentiality of dating someone her friends considered an enemy, not to mention the fact that Lexa probably didn’t even have a spare thought about her. 

But still…

Lexa climbed on the bike, effectively cutting off Clarke’s thought process. Ok, yes, Lexa looked far too sexy on the back of the bike. Lexa grinned at Clarke, as if reading her thoughts, and Clarke flushed, glad the helmet Lexa had made her put on hid her face.

“Come on, we should get you home.”

Clarke nodded, climbing onto the back of the bike. Lexa started the engine, then kicked off, causing Clarke to wrap her arms tight around Lexa’s waist.

It was almost too much, Clarke felt her body flush as she pressed herself against Lexa’s back. She snuggled close, enjoying the warmth the other girl gave off. The ride was over almost too soon, as Lexa pulled up to the address Clarke had given her.

“This is you?” Lexa killed the engine, turning back to Clarke, she nodded and jumped off the bike. She unbuckled the helmet and handed it back to Lexa.

“Thanks Lexa. For the ride and for hanging out tonight. I know I probably interrupted your work, but I actually really enjoyed the evening.”

Lexa smiled back at her, a less guarded one than Clarke was used to. It was beautiful.

“I had a good time tonight too. If you ever want to do it again, I wouldn’t be opposed. You can help me with my research.”

“I’d like that.”

Lexa nodded, putting on the helmet Clarke had just been wearing, and gave her a wave goodbye.

Clarke waved back, then let herself into her house. She sighed as she plopped down on her bed. Suddenly she felt exhausted. Without bothering to change, she let herself drift off, thoughts of Lexa most prominent in her mind.

*****

The Massachusetts fall breeze tickled Clarke’s cheek, reddening it slightly. There was a certain charm to the season, Clarke couldn’t deny that. She had grown up with bonfires, corn mazes, and apple picking, and she had loved every minute of it.

“Do you think giving chocolate to a chocoholic is unethical?”

Clarke rolled her head over to where Octavia was sitting cross-legged in the grass. Next to her Zoe was sprawled star-fish style like Clarke. Sarah was leaning back on her hands, and Harper was lying on her stomach. Clarke had the sudden thought that they would make a great girl band.

“Chocolate’s not really harmful, I wouldn’t say so.” Harper replied from her position.

Octavia nodded seriously. “Ok, then that’s what I’m going to get Bellamy for his birthday. A ten-pound bag of chocolate.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Those exist?”

“It’s America Clarke, of course it exists.” Octavia rolled her eyes and Clarke just laughed in return.

“You guys will never guess what happened yesterday.” Zoe spoke up from where she was lying.

The four girls hummed in reply, waiting for Zoe to elaborate.

“Yesterday I was going to visit my brother at his new house, except I wasn’t really paying much attention to the directions nor the house number, apparently. I pulled into an empty driveway, thought ‘this is odd,’ and then proceeded to let myself into what I thought was my brother’s house.”

“You didn’t?” Sarah’s eyes went wide.

“I did.”

“Didn’t you even knock?”

“It was my brother’s house, why should I have?”

“Was anyone home?”

“The short answer to that is yes, there was someone home. The long story is, apparently people do walk around in their house naked when they think they will be undisturbed for the day.”

Octavia grinned. “Male or female?”

“Male.”

“Age range?”

“Forties.”

The group groaned before bursting into laughter.

“The worst part, is when I eventually found the right house number, which was three houses down, there were three cars parked there. The three cars I had previously thought were odd for not being there since the owners of those cars should have already been there. Probably one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.” Zoe shook her head as the group continued to laugh at her.

“Wait, didn’t you drive to the wrong hotel two months ago? And knocked on the wrong door?” Clarke stated, pushing herself up on her elbows to grin over at Zoe.

“Yeah, and you watched me go into the wrong hotel you assholes.”

“It wasn’t our fault you confused the two hotels.”

“Ummm, you never actually told me what the hotel was named.”

“Well you never asked.”

“I may or may not be very attention-detailed.”

Clarke dropped back onto her back with a laugh, but promptly shot up straight at Octavia’s next statement.

“Oh look, it’s Lexa and two of her stooges.” Octavia scowled in the general direction of where Lexa, Anya, and another young-looking Polis girl were walking not far from them.

There must have been some kind of psychic-link happening between the two girls, because just as Clarke smirked in Lexa’s direction, Lexa’s head turned towards them. She raised an eyebrow in response to Clarke’s smirk.

Without thinking, Clarke waved at her, motioning for them to join the five girls. Lexa hesitated, but then turned towards Anya and the other girl.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Octavia hissed, frowning at Clarke’s behavior. Clarke just shrugged, she hadn’t exactly told them about her and Lexa’s new friendship, but she wasn’t going to hide it either.

Before Clarke could reply, Lexa and her two friends had strode up to them, Polis uniforms pressed tight and perfectly form-fitting.

“Clarke.” Lexa said the name like a statement, holding Clarke’s gaze for half-a-second, before turning to the rest of the girls and saying their names.

“How are you all?” Lexa’s face remained neutral, but her tone was friendly. Anya was frowning next to Lexa; well, scowling really, but the younger-looking student was smiling cheerfully.

Octavia’s own scowl didn’t lessen. “What do you want, Lexa?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Oh bugger off, Octavia. She’s just trying to be friendly.”

“Well it’s weird,” Octavia replied.

“I agree,” Anya mumbled from her position.

Clarke sensed the briefest of smirks sent Anya’s way from Octavia.

“Why don’t you guys take a seat?” Zoe offered. Clarke tried to reign in her look of surprise.

Surprisingly, it was the third Polis student who sat down first. “We’d love to. I’m Tris, by the way. I’m Anya’s younger sister, which depending on your reactions, may not be the best of introductions.”

Anya rolled her eyes and plopped down next to Tris. “Oh shut up, nerd.” 

Tris elbowed Anya playfully. “Make me.”

In the blink of an eye, Anya dove on top of Tris, pinning her to the ground and causing her to let out a loud squeal of laughter. Clarke caught Lexa’s eye, laughing inwardly at the amusement displayed there.

Lexa separated the two sisters and gave them both a good smack on the head before sitting down carefully next to Sarah and Clarke.

Clarke raised her eyes at the shy look Sarah sent Lexa’s way, and the small smile Lexa shot back. Maybe the pair really were friends, like Clarke and Lexa.

“What were you guys up to?” Clarke asked, trying to break the ice.

“Oh Lex was dragging us to the duck pond, she insisted the walk would be good exercise, and she kind of has an obsession with ducks,” Tris replied, cheeky grin in place.

Lexa blushed and ducked her head. “I do not.”

“Lex, you have an entire loaf of bread stuffed in your purse, and I’m pretty sure you’ve visited the duck pond every weekend for the last two years.”

“I have not, and I’m just being considerate of the ducks.”

Clarke laughed as Tris, Anya, Sarah, and Zoe chuckled. She teasingly bumped shoulders with Lexa, “Don’t worry Lexa, it’s cute. And your secret is safe with us.”

Clarke blinked as she noticed Sarah stiffen next to Lexa as Clarke touched her. Huh, well that was weird. Before she could think more about it, Lexa spoke up.

“Harper, how is your history project coming along? You’re paired with my friend Monty, he sounds pretty excited about it.”

Harper blinked once at the question. “You know Monty?”

“Yes.”

Harper blinked again, as if waiting for Lexa to offer up more information. When she didn’t, she cleared her throat and carried on. “It’s going well, though I’ve been trying to dissuade Monty from dressing up in a period piece.”

“He looks pretty good in a suit though.”

“Yeah, but then the next logical step is for him to make me dress up in a period piece. I definitely don’t want to dress up in one of those crazy hoop skirts.”

“You don’t have to wear a dress, I bet you’d look pretty smashing in a suit too,” Tris butt in cheekily, eyes twinkling at Harper.

The entire group let a beat go in stunned silence, before promptly bursting out laughing. Even Octavia was chuckling at the joke.

Anya punched her sister in the shoulder, eyes betraying her fondness even as she glared at her. “Watch your mouth there squirt, no flirting.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow in challenge. “What, don’t want your baby sis fraternizing with us lowly Arkadians?”

Anya glared at Octavia, her intense gaze making even Clarke squirm. “She’s my baby sis, she’s not allowed to flirt with anyone.”

Octavia’s face melded into a smirk, “Fair enough cheekbones.”

Anya rolled her eyes at the nickname, but dropped the super glare.

Surprisingly enough, the group fell into conversation, admittedly a little tense, but still conversation none-the-less. After a while, Clarke noticed Lexa and Sarah conversing next to her. She wasn’t really sure why it bothered her so much, maybe it was because Clarke had thought that she was the only Arkadian who had befriended the reserved Polis student.

She turned her head and tuned into what the pair were talking about.

“-red as a tomato. I swear she just about died of embarrassment. I thought for sure dad was going to go into over-protective dad-mode; but instead he just looked Lydia dead-in-the-eye and stated, ‘I was half-way hoping I’d be able to avoid boys with you, but as I see that’s not the case, I will have to update my sex-talk notes.’ Then he left, and Lydia looked absolutely mortified. It was amazing.”

Clarke raised her eyes, she had never heard Sarah speak so much at one time before. She nearly fell over at Lexa’ loud laugh in return.

“That explains so much.”

Sarah tilted her head at Lexa, “Oh? What do you mean?”

Suddenly Lexa noticed Clarke paying attention to their conversation and she smiled politely at Clarke.

“Sarah was just telling me about how her dad caught her younger sister making out with some boy in their living room.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows at Sarah, noticing the way both girls grew slightly more stiff at Clarke’s interruption. “Oh? I haven’t heard this story Sarah?”

Sarah smiled at her, before delving into the tale. Clarke did her best to keep her eyes off of Lexa, but she couldn’t help the ways her eyes wandered over to the Polis student, and she frowned when she found that her attention was completely focused on Sarah. But just then she raised her eyes and met Clarke’s, both girls blushed slightly as they realized they’d been caught and returned their attention to Sarah.

She wasn’t jealous, she wasn’t. She couldn’t be.

After a while, the Polis girls excused themselves, walking over towards the duck pond. Octavia reluctantly admitted that the three girls weren’t nearly as bad as she initially thought, though she was still adamant she didn’t like them. Clarke found her gaze wandering over to Sarah’s, who was watching the other Polis girls walk away, a thoughtful expression on her face.

Clarke found herself wondering what exactly was the relationship with Sarah and Lexa, and frustratingly, how she had never noticed anything sooner.

*****

Lexa stared up at her ceiling thoughtfully. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was rather bored. Weekends tended to be like that for Lexa. Now that she had her applications in, that workload was removed. She was caught up on her homework, and she couldn’t go to the school to work on her research, as she had to be at Sarah’s for dinner in a bit. She wasn’t in a mood to go through her family’s business papers, which she did on a regular business to make sure she understood everything for the day she would inevitably take over. There was no way she was letting her Uncle take over everything, though she knew he ultimately aimed for it.

Suddenly her phone rang, confused, she glanced down at the caller ID. She tilted her head, she should answer, it had been far too long since she had talked to her best friend. Well, one of the two at least.  

Sighing, she clicked answer.

“Hello Aden.”

The boy on the other end chuckled. “She does live. I didn’t think you would answer.”

“I’m trying to turn over a new leaf. It’s been brought to my attention that I’m an emotionless robot.”

“Your girlfriend finally realize you’re just a robotic pretty face huh?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “No, Sarah and I are fine, thank you for your vote of confidence though.”

“Of course, anything for you sis.”

Lexa smiled, she missed her brother. Adopted brother. Well, they were both adopted technically.

“Knuckle-head.”

“Love you too.”

There was a beat of silence, before Aden continued. “How are you, Lex? Titus being his usual ogre self?”

“Of course, but I’ve become an expert at tuning him out.”

“Did you actually continue with those golf lesson he wanted you to take? And fencing? And etiquette lessons?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Yes, I didn’t really have a choice.”

Aden grunted. “Dude, please tell me at least he lets you eat a good barbeque on occasion.”

“Could you be any more of a cliché Texan, Aden? I don’t think Titus has ever eaten Barbeque in his life, but I’ve had it at Sarah’s house a couple times.”

“Mmm, and how are things with Sarah going?”

“Good, we’re good for each other I think.” Lexa frowned. “At least I hope so. She brings out that soft side you always claim is buried deep within me.”

“But?”

Lexa shrugged, thinking of a smart-ass blonde-haired Arkadian student.

“We’re comfortable with each other, but what if relationships should have more than that?”

Aden hummed on his end. “I wish I could help you Lex, but I don’t’ exactly have great relationship experience. From what I’ve seen of you and Sarah though, you guys are good for each other. Drawing comfort from each other isn’t a bad thing, and clearly you two know each other well.”

Lexa nodded on her end. “That’s true.”

“So, I know you have avoided coming back to visit for specific reasons, Lex, but you know a bunch of your friends are graduating this year. I was wondering if you had thought about coming out for their graduation ceremony this year.”

Lexa stiffened. “I don’t think I can, Aden.”

There was a beat of silence before Aden continued. “That’s alright Lex, I understand. I was just wondering. Raven and I were thinking of taking a road trip to visit you, actually. Raven wanted it to be a surprise, but I know it’s better to let you figure out your plans than to just have us barge in.”

Lexa sat straight up. “Are you serious? You’d come visit?”

“Of course, I haven’t seen you in several months, Lex. I miss you. Raven does too.”

Lexa let out an excited laugh. “I’d love to have you! When were you thinking of coming up?”

“Next weekend?”

Lexa felt her face break out into a wide grin. “I can’t wait.”

Aden let out a laugh on his end. “Me either!”

The two continued to chat for a while before Lexa hung up, a smile on her face. She smiled as she thought about her brother visiting, it really had been far too long since she had seen him. She frowned as she thought about easy life had been a few years ago, right before everything had fallen apart. She wished with every fiber of her being she could return to that time.

**_Three years ago:_ **

_Lexa tossed the football far down the field, accepting the tackle just as she felt the ball leave her fingertips and sail down the field._

_Grunting she felt herself slam into the ground; distantly she could hear the cheer of her brother, and she smiled, knowing he had caught her pass for what could only have been a touchdown._

_Raven rolled off of her and glanced down the field. She threw her hands up at Aden’s stupid touchdown dance. “Oh come on! I told everyone you and Aden shouldn’t be on the same team.”_

_Lexa grinned up at her from where she was still pancaked on the ground. “The telepathy is real.”_

_Raven rolled her eyes at the familiar saying. Aden and Lexa were insanely close and way too psychically linked for adopted siblings. “You guys are the worst.”_

_“Come on, you know you love us.”_

_“I’ll never admit it.” Raven helped her off the ground, laughing at the dirt pressed to Lexa’s cheek. She wiped it off fondly, before leaning in and giving Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek._

_Lexa both blushed and rolled her eyes at the action. Aden jogged up to them just then, greeting Lexa and their other teammates with high-fives. Raven punched him in the shoulder before turning to join her own teammates._

_Lexa laughed as Aden turned to her, rubbing his shoulder. “Hey Lex, control your girlfriend, geez.”_

_Lexa shrugged. “We both know I have no control over her at all. Raven does what she wants.”_

_Aden rolled his eyes. “Too true.”_

_“Nice catch there, though.”_

_Aden gave her a fond grin, “Nice throw. Right before Rave threw you to the ground of course.”_

_“Hey, I still threw that touchdown pass, my methods are my own.”_

_“Yeah, well, I caught that touchdown pass, which I’m pretty sure was more reflective of my own skill than your own.”_

_Lexa punched him the shoulder._

_He grabbed it reflexively, “Hey! Why do people keep doing that?”_

_Just then their teammates gave the football a resounding kick onto the other side of the field. Lexa gave Aden a look before the two jumped into action._

_Later that night, the three were lying on the Fulton’s living room floor, eating ice cream and strumming Lexa’s beaten-up third-hand guitar she had bought a few years ago._

_Lexa was in the middle of strumming a new favorite song of hers when the doorbell rang, Aden jumped up claiming it was for him. Lexa just shook her head fondly and smiled at Raven, who was in the middle of taking a huge bite of her cookie dough ice cream._

_The pair were, admittedly, an odd couple. Aden had technically met Raven first, way back when the pair were still in foster care. Years later, Aden met Raven again at a skateboard park. He was responsible for introducing Lexa and Raven. He sometimes lamented it as his biggest mistake, but Lexa knew that his two favorite people in the world were sitting in the living room right now._

_Lexa had liked Raven immediately, her positivism and can-do attitude mixing well with Lexa’s more relaxed but mischievous one._

_Just then Aden walked back into the living room, pizza in hand. “I come bearing food.”_

_“You’re my favorite, Aden!” Raven exclaimed, setting aside her ice cream._

_Lexa pouted, “hey, I’m supposed to be your favorite.”_

_“Maybe if you brought me food you would be,” Raven proclaimed, sinking her teeth into the pizza._

_Aden laughed at the two, sinking down next to Raven, taking a pizza slice of his own._

_“Dad called while I was getting the pizza, he said he and mom would be late. The gala is going to go longer than they thought.”_

_Lexa shrugged. “I figured it would, they’re always too optimistic about getting out of those early.”_

_“Yeah, cuz they hate them.”_

_“They are pretty awful.”_

_“Yeah, but free champagne, right?” Raven asked around a mouthful of food._

_Lexa rolled her eyes at her girlfriend. “The few times we had to go to those galas with them, mom and dad would sneak us champagne. One time, we were standing right next to them drinking our glasses, and one of their business associates commented on it, and they pretended to be extremely indigent about it.”_

_Aden snorted. “They started loudly asking who had given their children ‘poison juice,’ and then promptly dragged us out of the gala. We ended up coming home, ordering pizza, and watching Edward Scissorhands on the television.”_

_Raven shook her head. “God, your parents are the coolest.”_

_Lexa laughed. “They’re amazing, we kind of hit the jackpot, huh buddy?”_

_Aden grinned at her, eyes sparkling. “We certainly did.”_

*****

Lexa shook herself out of the old memory. She should have knocked on wood.

*****

Clarke swung Finn’s hand fondly as the two strolled down her street. They had been out on a date that day, catching a late-afternoon showing of the _Moana_.

The two walked in comfortable silence for a bit before Clarke glanced up at Finn. Despite her strong position that the two couldn’t remain a couple going into college, Clarke would miss Finn. He truly was one of her closest friends, and had always supported her decisions.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Finn smiled down at her, catching her eye.

Clarke shrugged. “Nothing really, just thinking that I’ll miss you.”

Finn smiled sadly. “I’ll miss you too, but we have the whole rest of the year. We shouldn’t be thinking about leaving each other yet, right?”

Clarke smiled. “Of course. Worrying about the future never does any good, right?”

“Exactly!”

Clarke shook her head and laughed. “So did you like the movie?”

Finn smiled, “It had a great soundtrack.”

Clarke nodded, “It did. Who knew Dwayne Johnson could carry a tune?”

“The man can literally do anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ran for Governor of California someday.”

“Like an Arnold Schwarzenegger reincarnation.”

“Without the funny accent.”

“Hey, Arnold’s accent gives him character.”

“Probably his only character.”

Clarke gasped. “Take that back. Arnold is great.”

Finn shrugged. “I don’t know, his insanely, and probably unhealthily, ripped body is really all he has going for him. The Rock is the true king.”

Clarke slapped Finn on the chest. “He was the Governor of California, give the man some respect.”

“Jesse Ventura, a pro wrestler, was the governor of Minnesota in the 1990s. I think Dwayne Johnson, as an actor and pro wrestler, has a great chance at the next governorship.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but didn’t answer as they pulled up before her house. She took out her keys before turning to Finn.

 “I do not deny the Rock’s greatness, but he shall never surpass Arnold.”

Finn laughed, “How about we agree to disagree here.”

Clarke smiled, giving Finn a quick kiss before letting herself into her house. “Bye Finn, I’ll see you at school on Monday.”

Finn waved goodbye, a small smile on his face. “Bye Clarke.”

Clarke smiled as she rounded the corner into her bedroom, she could hear the television still on in the living room, which meant her dad was home.

Humming, she dumped her bag by her bed and then groaned when she noticed a borrowed shirt of Sarah’s on the ground. She'd meant to return it earlier before she left for the movie, but was running late and didn’t have time to return it.

Sighing, she swiped it off the ground and decided to jog it over to Sarah’s now.

She put on her coat and called back to her dad. “I’ll be right back dad, I’m just running over to Sarah’s to return something.

She heard her dad holler back a confirmation before she headed out the door. Hurrying down the street, she quickly came to Sarah’s door, giving it a quick, firm knock.

It swung open, revealing Sarah’s younger sister Lydia. She grinned at Clarke, eyes lighting up mischievously.

“Hey Clarke! You looking for Sarah?”

Clarke nodded, “Yep, I have something of hers.”

Lydia stepped back. “Come in. We were just about to eat dinner, actually, if you wanted to join us.”

Clarke shook her head, “Oh no, that’s ok. I ate not that long ago.”

Just then out from the living room walked the last sight Clarke expected.

“Lexa?”

Lexa gave her a wide-eyed look, before setting down one of Sarah's younger twin brothers. "Clarke?" 

Suddenly Sarah stepped up beside Lexa, gaping at Clarke. 

"Clarke? What are you doing here?" 

Clarke held up Sarah's borrowed shirt. "Just returning this."

Sarah frowned at the shirt. "Oh." 

Suddenly Lydia gasped. "Oh my god, you don't know, do you?" 

Clarke turned to Lydia in confusion. "Don't know what?" 

Lydia turned to Sarah with raised eyebrows, who looked at Lexa, who in turn was looking at Clarke. 

"What don't I know?" 

Sarah glared at Lydia before turning her gaze to Clarke. 

"You have to swear not to tell anyone." 

"Tell anyone what?" 

Sarah glanced at Lexa nervously, who gave her a small smile in return. 

"That, um, Lexa and I are dating." 

Clarke felt her jaw physically drop.  _Lexa_ and  _Sarah_ were  _dating?_

Clarke shook her head. How had she not seen this? Everything made sense now. How had she missed it?

"I think you need to start at the beginning." 

 


	4. Chapter 4

A long, thin line lay worn down on the impeccable green grass that was Lexa’s front yard. Lexa had always been a pacer, her own parents had pointed that out on countless occasions.

A quiet chuckle could be heard from the front stairs, and Lexa briefly stopped her pacing to glance over to where the offending sound had come from.

Sarah lay sprawled out on the front steps, a mug of coffee in her hand and a small smirk in place.

“Something funny?” Lexa quirked an eyebrow, stepping towards Sarah.

She pointed with her free hand at the worn path Lexa had created. “Isn’t it sacrilegious to leave the chosen path?”

Lexa took another step towards Sarah, her green eyes beginning to sparkle mischievously. Sarah’s own face, petite and far too often filled with a nervous-towards-all-things-in-life expression, filled with mirth. She bit her lip and leaned back slightly as Lexa stalked towards her.

She spread out across the stairs completely as Lexa practically dropped on top of her, placing both hands on either side of Sarah to brace herself just above the quiet girl.

“I’ve never been very concerned with being sacrilegious,” Lexa breathed out, heartrate picking up at the way Sarah smiled, biting her lip as her own eyes flashed to Lexa’s mouth.

“That’s too bad. I find the pacing cute.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow, leaning in closer. “I’m not the cute one in this relationship.”

“Oh, I beg to differ.”

Instead of answering, Lexa kissed Sarah hard, lips quirking up slightly at the small moan Sarah let out.

Reluctantly, Lexa pulled away, mindful of the fact that they were in the front-yard of Lexa’s stuck-in-the-fifties suburban neighborhood.

She rolled over and plopped down next to Sarah, who gave her an unamused look.

“That was mean.”

Lexa shrugged, grabbing Sarah’s abandoned ice tea and taking a long sip. “I’m not the cute one.”

Sarah just rolled her eyes, and then shifted so she was facing Lexa. She softly placed her hand on Lexa’s knee, drawing soft circles with her thumbs.

“I know you’re nervous about your brother and friend visiting, but it’s going to be ok. From what you’ve told me, they love you, and all they want to do is spend time with you.”

Somewhere in the distance a bird squawked, loud enough to draw Lexa’s attention. She focused on that sound, the strangeness of hearing it amidst the ostentatious display of America wealth that was her neighborhood.

The sound allowed her to focus herself and blink back tears, and Sarah patiently waited for Lexa until she was ready to talk.

“Everything is just so different, Sarah. Seeing them reminds me of how things used to be, how wrong everything went. It’s so hard to be who they think I am when I’m around them. The old Lexa they knew doesn’t exist anymore, and we all just keep pretending like she does. I’m so tired of pretending.”

Sarah caught the single tear coursing down Lexa’s cheek. “Maybe you should stop pretending then. If you can’t be real with them, who can you be real with?”

Lexa gave Sarah a soft smile. “You.”

Sarah let out a small laugh, before scooting closer and letting herself lean into Lexa. “Well, you’ll always have me. And I have a feeling that no matter what, you’ll always have Aden and Raven, so you should just be honest with them.”

Lexa kissed the side of Sarah’s head. “I’m so lucky we bumped into each other that day at the roller rink.”

“Literally. I was sore for days after you ran me over.”

“Well you got in my way.”

“No, you just ran into me.”

Lexa shook her head and laughed at the familiar argument, it was one they had all the time, Like goodnight kisses and Lexa’s order at the diner, it was their own display of wordless love.

The two fell into silence as Lexa filtered out the annoying bird squawk and focused on Sarah’s breathing.

Sarah was too good. Lexa had told herself this every day since they had begun dating, from the moment Lexa first worked up the incredible courage to text the number she had somehow miraculously acquired even after so rudely running over the pretty girl at the rolling skate rink. What Lexa had never admitted to was that she was a perfectly capable skater, she had simply been so distracted by the pretty girl she had lost her balance and crashed into the very girl she had been admiring.

Lexa’s mind had so brilliantly failed her in that moment that the only excuse she grasped at was that she had never roller-skated before, which was simply a bald-faced lie.

Surprisingly, Sarah had found her embarrassed rambling cute, and helped Lexa “learn” how to skate. Lexa had considered it a win since Sarah held her hand the whole time.

And now here they were, and Lexa was pretty sure that that day at the rink had been her own personal miracle. Meeting Sarah had prevented Lexa’s inevitable slow decline into a type of self-isolation she was still struggling to prevent herself from falling into.

And Lexa loved Sarah for it. She loved her for the patient and completely dedicated way that Sarah loved.  

Lexa loved her even though she knew, without a doubt, that Sarah was too good for her. Sarah had always had this innocent disposition around her, and for good reason it brought out a type or protectiveness in Lexa she hadn’t even known was possible.

And where Sarah was optimistic and excitable, Lexa was jaded and weary. Where she saw the best of people, Lexa saw the worst. They were good for each other, Lexa knew. They balanced each other out, but sometimes Lexa wondered for how long Sarah would allow herself to be dragged down by Lexa. She was a dreamer, ready to soar, and Lexa was a realist, tied to the ground.

Before she could continue her ruminations, the distant sound of a roaring engine Lexa was all-too-familiar with echoed throughout the eerily quiet neighborhood. Lexa could practically picture the neighbors having heart attacks from the ‘ungodly’ loud engine making its way down the street.

Lexa sprung up with a grin, Sarah laughing at the usually stoic Lexa showing such enthusiasm.

“That’s Raven’s car! I’d know that sound anywhere!”

Sarah stood with a chuckle, grabbing Lexa’s hand and swinging it excitably to match Lexa’s nervous little bobble she was doing on the balls of her feet.

With a roar the eighties-era car pulled dramatically into Lexa’s driveway and honked loudly.

Lexa laughed loudly as she saw her best friend waving from the driver’s seat, before she hopped out dramatically.

“Sexy Lexie! Where’s the welcoming band at? I expected a full-blown, all-out Fulton reunion!” Raven grinned from her position in the driveway, eyes twinkling and her eyebrows working in the way that could only be described as the Raven Reyes way. Everything Raven did was what could only be described as the Reyes way, completely original.

Lexa shook her head, stepping forward and opening her arms wide for her best friend to launch herself into.

“I thought about it, but I figured your god-awful engine noise would be enough noise for my neighbor’s delicate ears. A hummingbird farting would probably be too loud for them.”

Raven laughed, wrapping her arms completely around Lexa and lifting her into the air while crushing her airways completely.

Lexa gasped for air as she giggled, slapping Raven repeatedly.

“Put me down you oaf, I can’t breathe!”

Raven only laughed and gave her one last squeeze before setting her down, and holding her out for inspection.

“God, I was hoping you’d be wearing your sexy Polis uniform, but oh well.”

Lexa shook her head and slapped Raven’s arm. “Raven stop! My girlfriend is literally standing right there.”

Raven wiggled her eyebrows and glanced over to where Sarah was standing. “Oh I’m aware. You agree right? That Polis uniform?” Raven hummed in satisfaction and Lexa whipped her head around to Sarah when Sarah laughed and nodded in agreement.

“Oh, I agree.”

Lexa rolled her eyes at the pair before her eyes shifted over to where the passenger’s door remained unopened.

Raven bit her lip when she felt Lexa stiffen slightly. “He wanted to give you a moment to say hi to me, but he’s very excited to be with you again. He couldn’t shut up the whole way here about it. I forgot how annoying your brother is.”

Lexa chuckled, but didn’t answer Raven as she came around to the other side of the car.

Aden must have sensed or heard the way the mood shifted, because he smiled, then reached for the door handle.

He stepped out just as Lexa reached the other side. She cleared her throat, hoping she could prevent the inevitable tears from falling.

Aden shut the door and turned towards Lexa. He raised an eyebrow. “Are you just going to stand there and try not to cry, or are you going to come give me a hug and bawl your eyes out on my shoulder like the big softie we all know you are.”

That’s all it took, and Lexa was in Aden’s arms, sobbing against his shoulder as Aden held her tight. His own tears dripped down onto Lexa’s head, when had he gotten so tall?

The pair stood like that for several minutes, before Lexa pulled back, wiping at her face.

“It’s good to see you again, Aden, I missed you.”

“I would say ditto, but…” Aden grinned, motioning towards where dark sunglasses covered his eyes.

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Well you could at least say you missed me too.”

“Ditto.”

Lexa punched Aden slightly in his shoulder, before pulling Aden forward and grasping his arm firmly. She leaned into his side, both guiding him and drawing comfort from her long-time best friend.

The pair made their way over to where Raven and Sarah were conversing quietly. The pair had met briefly once, when Sarah and Lexa had just started dating, and though it had been awkward at first, the pair had gotten along fairly well by the end of Raven’s visit.

Raven grinned at them. “I always forget how alike you two look, you guys are practically twins!”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “We’re both adopted, Raven, that’s literally impossible.”

“I beg to differ, I honestly think your parents just adopted the both of you because you looked so much alike.”

Lexa ignored Raven and motioned for them to go inside. The four of them walked into Lexa’s kitchen, a huge area that was the dream of any cook or baker, and yet neither Titus nor Lexa ever used it. Raven plopped down on one of the kitchen stools, and Sarah sat on the one next to her. Lexa murmured to Aden as they walked through the house, explaining the layout.

She guided him over to the island in the kitchen where the girls were sitting at, and he leaned unceremoniously against the counter, smirking towards where he heard the two girls whispering about the possible reason for two fridges in the kitchen.

Lexa stood back for a moment, observing the scene. Individually, each one of these persons had played their own part in changing Lexa’s life for the better. They were the three most important people in her life, and seeing them all sitting together casually talking hit her particularly hard.

She had spent nearly every day for the last two years slipping further away into her mind, unable to truly deal with what had happened back in Texas. But here before her was living, breathing proof that she hadn’t truly lost everything in her life, and she wasn’t incapable of gain, either. Life moves on, and life can still be good.

She was so eager to escape the vestiges of her past, she had most forgotten how much good was still left for her to appreciate. She had almost forgotten, but not completely.

It was Raven who interrupted her, turning to her and declaring loudly, “Dude, I’m starving. Please tell me you have something edible to eat between your totally unnecessary _two_ fridges.”

Lexa laughed and rolled her eyes. “I have plenty of edible things, I stocked up knowing that between you and Aden, two fridges is barely enough room for three days.”

Aden banged his fist against the counter and nodded, “Hear, hear.”

Lexa quickly set about making something to eat, Sarah joining her and the pair moved around the kitchen with ease. Lexa rarely cooked in her own kitchen, but she was familiar enough cooking with Sarah back at her house that it was easy enough of a transition. Soon, a meal of chicken cooked with tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, onions, with a side of cooked potatoes, made its way to the counter.

The four dug in with relish, everyone letting out an appreciative hum.

“This is soooo good, since when have you learned to cook, Lexa?”

Lexa gave Sarah a sheepish smile. “I’ve always been able to cook, you oaf, I just never had to.”

Aden snorted. “Now that’s simply untrue, you were just too lazy to cook. Mom just about pulled her hair out every time she had to drag you into the kitchen to help cook.”

Lexa felt the food in her mouth practically turn to sawdust as she remembered the way she used to reluctantly help her mom cook. Mom had always claimed it was a good way to spend time together, and now Lexa would give up almost anything to be able to spend a whole evening cooking with her mom.

“Well, the talent was always there I just never truly exploited it,” Lexa replied.

Raven winked at Sarah, “Lucky for you. Lexa told me about how much she loves going over for dinner at your family’s house. They sound great.”

Sarah blushed slightly, smiling shyly. “They are great, and they love Lexa’s cooking too.”

Lexa smiled fondly at Sarah, and then shot a glare at Raven when she groaned.

“Ugh, Aden you’re lucky you can’t see the amount of sappiness going on right now.”

Sarah’s eyebrows shot up at the statement, but Aden only laughed, shaking his head. “Dude, I wish I hadn’t been able to see that one time I walked in on you and Lexa. God, I can’t believe I’m stuck with that memory forever.”

Both Raven and Lexa blushed deeply, Lexa punching Aden on the shoulder. “Not our fault you needed to learn to knock.”

“I didn’t think I had to, if you two had only told me you were dating I would have been more suspicious of the two of you spending time alone.”

Lexa glanced towards Sarah, who looked slightly uncomfortable, and Lexa gave her a reassuring smile. Lexa had told Sarah about her and Raven dating, back before she had moved here. It had been so long ago, in Lexa’s mind, and the two had parted with a mutual understanding, and on amicable terms. In a way, Lexa had been relieved the two had come to such a good understanding when Lexa moved here. They had remained best friends, and to Lexa, the two had always been better best friends than girlfriends. She had told Sarah all of this, and Sarah had assured her it was ok.

The conversation moved on, and soon Aden was entertaining them with tales of the trouble his peers and himself managed to find themselves in at the boarding school he attended. It was a school for the blind, and Titus had placed him there without even consulting Aden. He paid for it, and hadn’t even taken any protest of Aden’s into consideration. Titus had never been overly fond of the younger boy, he had only met him once and even then, he had barely spoken to him. Paying for the school was merely a form of duty to Titus, an obligation to his dead sister, nothing more.

“…Raven had smuggled in these homemade firecrackers that could be set off from a distance, and it took the faculty almost two weeks before they figured out who was behind the exploding firecrackers all over the school. Even then, they couldn’t pinpoint which of us four was responsible for it, so they punished all of us. Which I suppose was justified since technically all four of us were behind it. Even then, placing all four of us in detention together was probably the worst idea the school had ever had.”

Lexa laughed as she imagined the trouble him and his three close friends had caused, Aden had never exactly striven to be the model student in high school. He was quiet, dedicated, and loyal-but also a leader and a troublemaker. It made for a dangerous combination, as he was often overlooked for the real mischief-maker that he was.

“If you get kicked out of that school Titus is going to have a hissy fit.”

Aden laughed. “I remember that man with hair, sometimes I like to imagine that I’m the reason he went bald, worrying that-god forbid-he might actually have to take me in here.”

Lexa observed the way Aden’s mouth tilted upward in that all-too-familiar smirk. Lexa could practically imagine the way his eyes would twinkle, thinking about the way he could make Titus’ life hell. Only now they were covered by that dark pair of sunglasses Lexa had a particular loathing for.

“I think you would probably drive him to an early grave.”

“It’d be nothing the court could prove.”

“Aden, you can’t get kicked out of bat school, I enjoy smuggling you goods far too much,” Raven jumped in, pushing her empty plate away with a deep sense of satisfaction written on her face.

“You do realize it’s not prison, right Raven? You didn’t have to smuggle me cigarettes and a lighter in that poor attempt at a home-baked pie.”

Raven’s face lit up, “Oh yeah I forgot about that!”

Lexa gaped at Raven, “Raven! You smuggled my baby brother cigarettes?”

Lexa whacked Aden. “Smoking is bad for you Aden, what the hell.”

Sarah buried her face in her hands, eyes dancing in amusement. Lexa shot her a glare that said, _don’y you dare say anything_.

Aden raised his hands in defense. “I don’t smoke! I don’t know why Raven sent them to me.”

Raven shrugged, leaning back in her chair, tipping it onto two legs. “I heard cigarettes are like currency in prison, I thought it might help him.”

Aden threw his hands up. “I told you Raven, I don’t live in prison.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “With all its rules, that school might as well be.”

Sarah glanced at Aden curiously, “So what did you do with them? The cigarettes?”

Aden looked slightly sheepish, “I traded them for chocolate.”

Raven threw her hands up, her chair landing back on all four legs with a _bang,_ “See!”

The four burst out into laughter, the mood settling into something comfortable. After that the day melded into one with far too much junk food, movies, long talks, and playing catch-up with all the time that had passed since the three friends had been together. Throughout it all, Lexa felt something repair itself inside of her she hadn’t even known was broken. 

*****

Clarke could see her breathe mingle with the crisp air, disappearing before she had fully inhaled a new breath. Winter was coming soon, and Clarke could feel fall begin to lose its grip as it let the new season creep its way in.

She loved fall, and was sad to see it go, but Christmas was her favorite holiday, so she couldn’t begrudge winter too much.

She pressed herself further into her father’s side, feeling him chuckle as he used his arm to draw her close.

“Cold, kiddo?”

She nodded, rubbing her nose against his jacket. He smelled like gasoline, the cinnamon gum he chewed, and the slightest hint of the cologne he occasionally wore. It was familiar and comfortable and made Clarke feel ten years younger.

“I told you to dress warmer.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “We were going on a hike, I thought I would get too warm with the extra layer on.”

Jake let out a booming laugh, “I think walking to Devil’s lake can hardly be considered a hike.”

Clarke let out a huff of breath, glaring at the way it curled white in the air. It was like the cold was mocking her now. “It is to me.”

Jake just shook his head, rubbing his hand up and down Clarke’s arm to warm her up.

Clarke observed the familiar path as they walked towards the lake near the edge of the town. Her dad and herself came here often, a familiar escape when the both of them had had enough of real life. It took them months to return to this path after Abby’s death, but after a while, the need for the familiarity of the walk overtook the pain the memories of walking down this path with Clarke’s mom caused.

Clarke figured the path would forever be tinged with the slightest of sorrow, each step a silent remembrance of the woman both Jake and Clarke achingly missed.

But it was a healing kind of pain, the kind you felt when a cut had scabbed over, and it hurt to stretch, but in a good way because it felt like a healing sort of ache-instead of the pain of freshly cut skin.

Clarke chuckled as she observed two squirrels fighting, tumbling over each other and then chasing each other up a tree and across branches. Their chattering didn’t cease in the presence of the two humans, and Clarke wondered if there had ever been a time when they fell quiet in the presence of the strange giants, or had they been born fearless of the lumbering humans?

Eventually they came to a lake, nestled amongst the forest, and almost looking out of place amidst the tall, imposing trees.

The pair took a seat on a boulder that seemed conveniently placed just for them. Clarke had once tried carving her name on the boulder, but her father had stopped her just as she had finished a shaky-looking C. Over time even that had faded, and was barely visible. Sometimes Clarke wondered if that was a metaphor for her own scars, did time heal wounds? Or was that wishful thinking on the part of humans hoping inner scars behaved like outer ones?

“What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

Clarke’s head turned towards her father, who was giving her a warm, but still appraising, look. Suddenly she realized how quiet their walk had been today, when usually Clarke would fill it, at least partially, with chatter about school and work, her friends, and her plans when she arrived at university.

Clarke shrugged. She didn’t really know what was bothering her if she was being honest. Feelings and emotions had never been the easiest for her to decipher.

“I don’t know, just a lot on my mind I guess.”

Her father nodded understandingly, turning to gaze at the lake. Clarke smiled at the motion. Her dad had never pushed her when she wasn’t ready, knowing that sometimes what you are feeling is too difficult to express in emotions.

“Did I ever tell you I used to come here with Thelonious?”

Clarke sat up straighter at the statement. “No, you never mentioned that.”

Jake smiled sadly, eyes still focused on the lake. “We used to bring our fishing poles here and we would fish from the shore. We used to get strange looks, but we ignored them. We couldn’t for the life of us figure out why no one came and fished in the lake. One day, an old man stopped us just as we were about to cast into the lake. He gave us a puzzled look and said, ‘you boys know there’s no fishes in this lake, right?’”

Jake laughed as Clarke shook her head and chuckled.

“We weren’t exactly the smartest couple of kids. The funny thing is, we kept doing it, bringing our poles up here. We would cast them in the lake, then lounge around and talk. The truth is, the possibility of catching fish isn’t what drew us up here, it was just the ability to spend time with your best friend.”

Clarke leaned into her dad, hearing the sadness in his voice.

“This lake holds so many good memories for me. I thought, after Thelonious and Abby died, that those memories would be tainted. And maybe they are, but the truth is, every time I come up here, I remember all the good I’ve had in my life.”

Jake glanced down at Clarke and smiled. “And how much good I still have, and how much I will have. I guess this lake is, and always has been, hope for me.”

Clarke gazed out at the muddy-looking and admittedly not-very-impressive body of water. Her father had a strange sense of the beautiful.

Sometimes she forgot how similar she and her dad were. They had lost their respective best friends in the same night, and not long after, they had both lost the same woman who meant the world to them.

Sometimes Clarke forgot how much it hurt. Unbidden, her mind wandered to a certain green-eyed brunette whose own eyes held a type of pain Clarke was familiar with.

She had thought she was drawn to Lexa because she was a mystery, but maybe it was the opposite. Maybe it was because she knew exactly what the answer was when it came to Lexa.

She unwillingly thought about last week. She didn’t want to linger on the feeling that came over her when Lexa and Sarah explained to her how they had met, that they were dating. That they were keeping it a secret because of Lexa’s sorry excuse of a backward uncle. That, and Sarah was terrified of what her friends would think if they found out, a fear Clarke had done her best to assuage.

Still, despite all her reassurances that the two of them dating was perfectly ok, Clarke had made a hasty retreat. Her stomach unpleasantly upset and her mind even more so, especially because she didn’t know why. In vain, Clarke had done everything she could to put the feelings and thoughts of Lexa and Sarah out of her head, and she had admirably avoided returning to help Lexa with her research despite her clear (and unwanted on Clarke’s part) desire to do so.

The pair sat in silence for a while, lost in their respective thoughts and memories, before her dad stood up and stretched, smiling down at Clarke.

“Ready, kiddo?”

Clarke nodded, taking one last look at the muddy, and apparently fishless, lake. She followed her dad back along the path, smiling as the sun poked through the clouds and tree cover to light their path just as they started on it.

Jake ruffled her hair as they walked, eyes more peaceful and relaxed than when they had begun their walk. Clarke envied the peace he had managed to find. She had a feeling it would be a while before she was able to achieve the catharsis her father found from their weekly nature walks.

*****

Lexa squinted her eyes from where she stood leaning against the balcony of her front porch. She wasn’t sure but she swore she saw the flash of what must be the eyes of a racoon crossing the street. Her mind flashed to scenes from _Over the Hedge,_ Sarah’s brothers loved that movie.

“Leaving your guests to fend for themselves, some host you make.”

Lexa unsuccessfully tried to prevent the smile that made its way to her face at Raven’s voice.

She turned her head slightly as Raven joined her at the balcony, unperturbed by Lexa’s lack of response.

“You know Sarah deserves a medal for dealing with your sullen ass.”

Lexa laughed, eyes returning to the street, eyes searching for the racoon she was sure was out there.

“You put up with me well enough.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “God, I fought more with you when we were dating then I do with my alarm clock every morning.”

Lexa smirked. “I’m guessing you liked my last birthday present for you, then?”

“The unbreakable alarm clock? Alarm clocks are meant to be broken, Lexa, it’s part of the satisfaction.”

“An expensive habit on your part.”

“I’m a genius mechanic, I can always put it back together.”

Lexa tilted her head as she appraised Raven. “Speaking of genius mechanic, you hear back from MIT yet?”

Raven’s lips quirked upwards, turning to face Lexa. “What if I had, and I told you they accepted me?”

Lexa appraised her best friend. This girl was the toughest person she knew, but underneath that hard exterior was this vulnerability that Lexa had seen come through only rarely. It was still Lexa’s proudest achievement, being privilege enough to be able to see the true heart of Raven Reyes.

Though she didn’t speak it, she knew how much Raven wanted to get into MIT. Being a second generation immigrant put a type of pressure on her to prove that her parents had made the right choice, sacrificing everything to give Raven the best chance in life that they could.

Raven had never been very capable of hiding from Lexa’s searching eyes.

Without a doubt she was certain of one thing. Raven Reyes could try to conquer the world and she would probably pull it off, of course she got into MIT.

Lexa’s face morphed into a wide smile, one she rarely let out anymore. “You got in?”

Raven’s excitement bubbled over as she matched Lexa’s smile, head bobbing up and down rapidly. “I got in.”

In a swift motion, Lexa was hugging Raven, breathing in the familiar scent of motor oil that forever seemed to linger on the Latina woman.

“I’m so proud of you, Rae.” She moved back, putting a hand on Raven’s cheek affectionately. “Though truthfully, I think this is the most unsurprising news I have ever received, you are the most brilliant person I know.”

Raven winked, chest puffing out proudly. “Damn right.”

Lexa laughed and pulled Raven in for another hug, before the two girls parted with fond smiles and returned to leaning against the railing-this time with their backs instead of forearms.

“And how have you been, Lexa? Don’t think I don’t know you’ve been avoiding Aden and I.”

Lexa’s eyes shifted away from Raven’s. For her part, she had never been very good at hiding her emotions from Raven. The two had always been open books to each other.

“I’ve been fine.”

Raven hummed, clearly showing she didn’t believe Lexa.

She sighed, Raven had her moments of patience, but she could also be incredibly pushy.

“I just can’t wait until I can leave this damn town, and this stupid house, and leave everything to do with my uncle behind.”

“He is, probably, the worst person I’ve ever met.”

Lexa let out a short laugh, more of a snort than a laugh. “Yeah, me too.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing else?”

Lexa raised her eyes to meet Raven’s in a rare moment of courage. Raven’s deep, brown eyes were compassionate, understanding. Lexa had this sudden desire for a warm, triple fudge brownie, devoured on the couch watching one too many episodes of Gilmore Girls with her parents. She had this unicorn onesie she used to wear every time she and her parents had one of their movie marathons. She would always get too warm in them; but her parents had bought them as a present for her the day after she had come out to them, and she didn’t know how exactly to thank them for everything they did for her, except to wear it even when it was eighty-degree weather outside-at night and without the sun adding heat. She wishes now that she had just told them; instead, she holds on to the desperate idea that they understood, without her actually saying the words.

Raven raised her hand and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Lexa’s ear. In the two years they had been broken up, they had never once stumbled in the way they could provide a type of knowing comfort only best friends could bring.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Lex?”

Helplessly, tears began falling from Lexa’s eyes, and Raven was quick to pull her into a hug. “Shhhhhh, it’s ok, Lex, it’s ok.”

Lexa shook her head, new sobs taking over when Raven nodded her head, cheek rubbing against the side of Lexa’s head.

“I miss them so much, Raven. It’s been more than two years and I still miss them so goddamn much.”

Raven’s own voice was hoarse when she replied. “Me too. It’s ok to miss them, you know? It’s ok to cry about it.”

Lexa let out a straggled laugh. “You know, in two years I’ve cried exactly once. I needed to be strong, I thought that they would have wanted that.”

“They would have wanted you to grieve, Lexa. It’s ok to grieve.”

Lexa took in a shuddering breath as her sobs diminished, tears now flowing silently down her cheek.

“Every day I feel like I’m walking in this kind of dark haze. Everything seems muted. It scares me to death, because what if it never goes away, Rae? What if I’m stuck like this forever?”

“You won’t be, Lex, you won’t be. I promise.”

Lexa pulled back and looked Raven in the eye, noting that tears had fallen down her cheek as well. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Lexa smiled at the firmness in Raven’s tone. Raven had always been far too good at convincing her and Aden to do the most ridiculous things. She could be very persuasive. 

“You know, Sarah told me I should stop trying to pretend like everything was ok, that I should be honest with you and Aden. I didn’t think I would break down this fast.”

“I think you’ve just been too tightly wound, Lex.”

Lexa laughed as Raven gave her a teasing look. “Yeah, probably.”

Before the two girls could continue, the front door opened hesitantly, and Aden made his way out, his face scrunching up as he turned towards where Lexa and Raven were standing.

“I hear sniffling, did ya’ll have a nice heart-to-heart?”

Raven scoffed, “Just because we’re girls doesn’t mean we’re going to have a good crying session every time we reunite.”

Aden shrugged, “I didn’t say that, but I know my sister. She’s a big softie and been far too tightly wound up.”

Raven gave Lexa pointed look, and Lexa gave her a light shove in return.

“Just know I want my own heart-to-heart Lexa, that or a good sappy movie to cry my eyes out. I think they would give us a week-long detention at my school if they caught any of us shedding a tear, I’m overdue for a good cry.”

Lexa laughed at Aden’s dramatics, as he placed his hand over his heart and sniffled.

He inched towards them and Lexa grabbed his arm, pulling him close. “I missed you bud,” she waved her hands between the three of them. “I’ve missed this so much.”

Aden and Raven leaned their heads against Lexa’s shoulder, and suddenly Lexa felt so incredibly warm. A few weeks ago she remembered how cold she had felt inside, all too-willing to forget her past and move on. Maybe there was another way, something that was less like surviving and more like living.

*****

Lexa felt a small smile play on her face as she watched the coffee barista scrunch her face in frustration as she wrestled with the espresso machine. It was an older design, by the looks of it, and for the last twenty minutes Lexa had watched as the blonde-haired barista struggled with it to fulfill people’s coffee orders.

She had popped into the shop to grab a quick coffee on her way back home from the grocery store-she had forgotten some provisions for her, Raven, and Aden’s movie marathon tonight. She had thought it a little strange when Aden had proposed it, but he swore that he watched movies all the time.

 _“half the fun is having people narrate what’s happening onscreen,”_ he had told her.

So she set out to buy a few provisions. It was on a whim that she ducked into the coffee shop; she didn’t usually stop there. It was cute though, filled with second-hand books you could buy, and plenty of comfy chairs to settle into and read a book while you drank your coffee.

She had spotted Clarke helping a customer right away, and had immediately ducked behind a bookshelf. She pretended to peruse the books, all while secretly watching Clarke at work.

It surprised her, the wiggle of happiness she felt at seeing the persistent blonde.

Finally, concluding that she had fulfilled her creeper quota for the day, she made her way to the front of the counter.

Clarke had just finished with her last customer, and turned to help Lexa. Her face lifted in surprise at seeing her.

“Lexa! What are you doing here?”

Lexa smirked. “Getting coffee, or is that not what you do in a coffee shop?”

Clarke rolled her eyes at the sarcasm, but then leaned closer to Lexa, resting her forearms on the counter. “Ok, sarcasm not appreciated. Besides, we sell tea too. And books. So you could be here for that.”

“Touché. Well just for today I’m here for a latte.”

Clarke nodded, leaning back and typing into the cash register. “Regular or large?”

“Regular.”

Clarke nodded, and Lexa paid for it as Clarke began prepping it. Clarke nodded at the bags Lexa was carrying. “Provisions for dinner?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “More like provisions for the bottomless pit of a stomach my brother and best friend both seem to have.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Oh I didn’t know you had a brother.” She grimaced as she again struggled with the espresso machine. Lexa suppressed her smile as best she could.

“I do, he’s a year younger than I am. But he doesn’t live here, he’s attending a boarding school in Virginia.”

Clarke tilted her head as she appraised Lexa. “Oh really? That’s far away.”

Lexa felt her face fall slightly and she did her best to rearrange it into a more passive one. “It is, I don’t see him very often.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Lexa shrugged, “It’s alright, it’s life. He’s visiting for the weekend with my best friend, which means,” Lexa raised the grocery bags, “I must be well-prepared.”

Clarke smiled, before putting the coffee down on the counter. Before she could reply, another young woman about Clarke’s age came up behind and gave Clarke a pat on the shoulder. “Griffin, the boss says you’re good to go now, if you want to take off.”

Clarke smiled at the young lady, “Thanks Natalie.”

She tilted her head back at Lexa and smiled. “Looks like I’m done for the day.”

Lexa laughed, stepping back as Clarke took off her apron and hung it up on a peg.

“Heading home, then?”

Clarke glanced outside and sighed. “Yeah, my house isn’t too far from here, it’s a good walk I suppose.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows, pulling the coffee cup she had just taken a sip from, away from her mouth. “Oh? I can give you a ride.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows at the grocery bags in Lexa’s hands, and she laughed. “I parked just down the street, this coffee shop is on the way from the grocery store to my car.”

“Ah, so you do own a car.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at Clarke and gave her an amused smile, “I’m the wealthiest kid at Polis, of course I own a car.”

Clarke just laughed, pulling on her coat as she came around the counter. “Ok, ok smartass. I would love a ride home.”

Lexa grinned, holding the door open for Clarke as they stepped outside. “Great.”

The pair walked in companionable silence to Lexa’s car. She quickly deposited her grocery bags into the back seat, before opening the passenger door open for Clarke. Clarke raised her eyebrow at the action, but Lexa just shrugged.

She quickly plopped down into the driver’s seat, buckling in and noticing that Clarke had already done so.

She pulled away from the curve before raising her voice to break the silence.

“I really appreciate you being so cool about Sarah and I, Clarke. I know she was really nervous about telling you guys.”

Clarke’s face morphed into something that was unreadable, but she gave Lexa a small smile and nodded. “Of course, I’m just sad she felt like she needed to hide it from us.”

Lexa shrugged. “You know how Sarah tends to get shy about certain things, I think she was just really nervous and didn’t quite know how to make that first step.”

Clarke nodded, before turning her gaze to the passing scenery. “Well, whenever she’s ready to tell the others, I’ll be there to help her do it.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke, even though she couldn’t see her. “Thank you.”

Clarke hummed, and Lexa frowned at the slightly strange behavior of the girl.

“Hey Clarke?”

Clarke turned to her, face questioning. “Yeah?”

“I know I said before, but I really did mean it when I said you could stop by Polis. I still go there every night, well, probably not tonight or tomorrow, but usually every night. I don’t mind the company.”

Lexa wasn’t really sure why she was extending the offer, she usually liked to keep to herself. But somehow, against Lexa’s better judgement, she had come to begrudgingly like the blonde-haired Arkadian.

Clarke smiled, eyes softening. “I’d like that.”

Lexa smiled, turning down the street towards Clarke’s house. “You know, after we met you and your friends that day in the park, Anya said, and I quote, ‘they’re not that bad.’ Trust me, that’s a pretty big compliment coming from her.”

Clarke let out a laugh, light and airy. “Octavia said something similar, I think her mind might burst reevaluating the stance she has that all Polis students are practically the devil incarnate.”

Lexa chuckled. “Well, not all of us are the spawn of Satan, though I can’t say I haven’t had that thought about a few Polis students.”

“Oh, there’s a few Arkadians who might have earned that title from me too.”

Clarke paused, glancing over at where Lexa gripped the wheel firmly, turning on her left-turn blinker and glancing both ways before her turn.

“I have to admit, Anya did surprise me a little. I didn’t expect her to be even somewhat amicable.”

Lexa shrugged, it was a common misconception when it came to the prickly soccer player. “She takes getting used to. To be honest, I owe her more than I have thanked her for. She has all this weight on her shoulder when it comes to her family, and all these expectations that she has to meet. Sometimes I think her parents have battered into her this warped concept that power and control are the ultimate end-goal of life, and the only true way to live. The only reason the weight hasn’t hit Tris yet is because of Anya, she’s done everything she can to protect them-and no one has once taken the time to commemorate the type of courage that calls for.”

Lexa frowned at the thought. “Not even me.”

Clarke shifted slightly in her seat, raising her hand, before letting it drop. “I think, the fact that you have even recognized all this, matters more than you think, Lexa. All you need to do is keep being a friend to Anya, let her know that you see her, and that she’s not alone.”

Lexa nodded, before smiling at Clarke softly. She stared into Clarke’s swirling blue eyes, and Lexa wondered if anyone could say that they truly saw Clarke Griffin. Suddenly, Clarke dropped her eyes, and Lexa was jolted back to the present. She realized she had stopped in front of the Griffin house, and the two were just sitting in the idling car.  

Suddenly nervous, a thought popped into her head.

“Hey Clarke?”

Clarke turned from where had unbuckled her seatbelt, “Yeah, Lexa?”

“I know you’re probably tired from your shift and everything, but if you wanted, would you like to come over for the movie marathon tonight? Sarah is coming in a little bit, and I know you live right by her, and she gets along well with Raven and Aden, but I think she might really appreciate having a friend there too-“

Clarke laughed lightly, this time putting a hand on Lexa’s arm. “Sure, that sounds like fun. I didn’t really have any plans for tonight anyway.”

Lexa felt relief course through her, she had no idea why she was so nervous. “Great! I think you’ll really like my brother and best friend, they’re a handful, but the best people I know.”

“Great, I can’t wait to meet them.”

Lexa gave Clarke one last smile, before Clarke exited the vehicle, promising to text Sarah and arrange a car pool. When Clarke exited the vehicle, she leaned her forehead against the wheel, cursing herself for her awkwardness.

Little did she know that as soon as Clarke had entered the house, she had slumped against the front door, asking herself just one question.

“What are you doing Clarke?”


End file.
